i-am-lost

>>| Young Adult's Less Sentiment

2006-07-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a year since our last goodbyes. We've separated with the underrated deliberation of your adulthood. I'm still youthful back then. Perhaps, much of my regrets we're soon to slowly form, realizing that I made a bunch of mistakes for you and for us. However, I also tried my best to be better than the usual.

Without you my parents were too happy to still have their only daughter, me, the bachelor. I have really lived well as you may see. The 'cool off' worked out for me as the finest. How I could freely go without your family-oriented-consent and do any of the acts that I want. It's just so crazy going liberally. Truly crazy that I didn't know how this would happen.

It wasn't fleeting and it scares me. I am now seeing flashbacks and it's not simply black and white. Thus, it is highly tinted with neon to clearly depict what went before.

I'm missing you that it makes me weaker to lament.

I'm sorry for causing you all the blame.
I'm sorry if I canceled everything going and not supporting your dreams.
I'm sorry for rejecting the proposal.
I'm really sorry for all the pain and troubles.
I'm sorry for letting you go.
I'm sorry for not being with you perpetually.
And I'm sorry for ranting, just now. For not letting you know that I, also suffered a little. That though you loved me unconditionally and I did not, I haven't endured yet.

Please don't keep me ranting. I just need your greetings. Damn, you cannot forget.

>>| kawaii, ne? I'm soooo Junified.

2006-06-12T19:24:00.000-07:00

Meeeeeepp! I'm done with Gokusen 1 and HYD 1, next is Kimi wa Petto, and then the Tokyo Tower. Awwwness. That dorky guy do really carry off his role. Can't help lurving him, obsessively watching those videos on hand.

Irene's here a while ago. Heck, she's also Junified. Told her that I'm planning to fly over Japan and meet Jun. Lols! Am I craving that much?

>>| (..trust isn't necessary) fix me without it

2006-06-09T20:28:00.000-07:00

"I'm screaming out inside. But there's no one around!"

"I'm on the outside, waiting."

*sigh*

CHEESY, that is. Yea, super! He shouldn't opened it forever. I shouldn't bought him that kind of shitty stuff! Now, it's almost coming. The end of yesterday, the start of tomorrow.

I'm sooooo screwed up.

Can you be forever innocent?
Can we just hide what isn't necessary?
Can you just forget it?

It isn't LOVE ok?!
For you don't know what it means.
And you, you are still naive.

Why am I saying this?
Let me ask you first, can you love me when I'm gone?

Then after, you will understand.

(Just the time when your heart stings with pain.)

>>| Feminine Focus

2006-06-02T23:45:00.000-07:00

Salve! Finally, I'm fuckiningly done with the cracker box! Great! More lessons for me to go (particularly in texturing, camera, and animation).

I've been busy the whole day by not just dreaming. But yea, at this instant, I am Blog-ging, again.

Doc messaged me last night to see him. The wee hours of the night made me inept to do it. Declining the invitation, he still insisted. I stride in the vicinity of the single-ajar-window, as I saw him standing outside while my dog barks. It was witty-sugary. I haven't felt the heavens for months.

My heart almost pounded.

But not because of him,
It's because of them.

I offered myself a cup of milk to sip before going to bed. After all, I discern to have my-all-time-yet-seasonal-drama-syndrome.

I can escape from the past.
Actually, I know where the exit is.
But then, it does haunt me, consistently.

Is escaping wrong?
Else, is escaping right?

Options are given.
You can merely choose what you want or what to do.
And so, that's my decision.

This is what I opt.

I mostly escape from those memoirs, both liking and disliking them in purpose.

Now, try to count as many as you can.
From a non-prince you knew to the fullest of the unhappy fairytale story ended.

(This is in random.)

I DO LIKE
JB JAYS ONIN WAR JED NEIL JOBERT JOVIE JOHN FERDS MB JM CARLO TJ ICKO IAN OBETH JICE JHU AR JEFF
because
he's cunningly cute.
he's friggin' new.
he's one of the smart-ass-but-non-geek-school-boy.
he has the shot to make me like him.
he's a hottie.
he's sensitive.
he's the sweetest.
he's seemingly matured.
he's simply the bestest.
he's not stupid.
of music and/or his band(particularly of his voice/talent).
of his moves.
we're supposed to unite as one.

I DON'T LIKE HIM
because
he's a player.
he might have STDs.
he's just my best bud.
he lacks passion, charm, security, adventure, individuality, respect,
or even assets.
he's one scorfano-guy-for-the-public-not-to-see-me-walking-
holding-or-talking-to.
he's younger than me.
he's very insensitve.
of his attitude or religion.
I'm bored talking/walking with him.
he's committed, engaged, or married.
I simply hate to give in and start falling for him.

Lock, stock and barrel, there are twenty-one boyfriend-materials to choose from.
"Others" from the past are excluded.

Lost count?

That's alright.
You can stop counting,

I like it being single.

>>| using YouTube

2006-05-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

In a minute, i'll be able to watch SpongeCola's Music Vid of Jeepney (at last! woohoo!).

I've been waiting for it in MYX daily top 10 (morning and noon/dawn countdown), but I haven't seen it yet because of the bluff (the other "Jeepney" Vid of Kala, that is). Lols. Imagine how I could stand it? Waiting 'til the top of the chart just to realize that Kala had the first place. Oh well, that is really fuckining and annoying. It really pissed me off. And yea, Joan as well (while we chat or text). But it would pissed off more people and not just the two of us, especially to those who voted. Is it MYX error? Oh I don't know, but I do care (when it comes to SC). Hah!

So, I'm cutting my story there and just thank the one who uploaded it to YouTube. Whoa. Haha. I've been waiting for this link! Really! Thank You YouTube (for having suchBroadcast), and for those who made/makes the upload.

People, here's the link:

To Download : http://rapidshare.de/files/20661606/Sponge_Cola_-_Jeepney.mpg.html
To View : http://youtube.com/watch?v=zcSuBWHffgY&search=myx
(Tag : Myx, Spongecola, Jeepney, OPM)

Rawrs! Mas cool talaga ang Net (refering to the Internet as is)!

I'm missing the whole group (SC boys, roadies/techies, listers I met, and the light! Yikes! haha). Tadah tadah. I miss IRENE the most (wala tayong gig this May, nasobrahan last month? gawd! how about this June? ano na kaya?)!

Imma watch the vid now....

>>| for joan

2006-05-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

>>| refreshed?

2006-05-04T20:26:00.000-07:00

>>| datequest

2006-04-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

"bless me father, for i will sin.."

actually it's not a sin reading that book.
merely a fiction that we'll enjoy.

~ codes, tombs, tales, history, science, sex, rituals, christianity, temples, murder, rose, holy grail, museums, symbols, fresco, et cetera..

ain't that clever for Dan Brown's work?

'ope that the movieworld here won't be banning it for whatevers' sake.

so yea,
i'm not good in decoding and even coding as is,
let's just date on 19th and watch the film.

>>| eerie.

2006-04-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

looks like you are lost last night,

the way you walk.
the way you talk.
the way you snob.
the way you observe.
the way you look at.

and you forgot to hug me. rawr you! was it because of them (cause they don't know our story)? or was it because of her (that made you this cold and mad)?

"kailan mo ba matututunan?
kailan mo ba ipagsisigawan?
'di mo na ipagkakailang tayo?
kaydami ng pinagdaanan
ano pa bang iyong kailangan?
nagsusumamo na sabihin mo"

damn good lines FOR YOU.
just YOU.

[lines\lyrics from sc's pasubali]

>>| another used to be

2006-04-04T21:09:00.000-07:00

yesterday, i was about to blog this entry >>

-----------------------------------------------------
------------------------title-------------------------

>>fall like it's suicide

------------------------begin------------------------

"what did he said?"

"nothing. just that, don't fall for him"

"and for what reason is that?"

"he's sick..."

But no, he wasn't.

We just can't cross the limits.
We are 'we' without love at all.
We secretly enjoy being friends with ourselves.

And no, I won't be ranting in the end. I decided to win,
by not falling, again.

-------------------------end-------------------------
------------------------------------------------------

But yea, I didn't had the chance to post it for it'll be a BIG DAMN LIE.

I loved him before and it'll be this easy to fall for him all over again. And guess what, I already did for the 2nd time. That is sharp, i know, but who wouldn't? I mean, look, he's my type since Jeff's time. Erm. I just wanna rant now, so let me.

Here I go again.

Cryout.
Lament.
But NO to Suicide.

*then sings out loud*
"and i don't want us to become ANOTHER USED TO BE"

The title says so.
The lyrics as well.

'nuf said now.

>>| story of the two lucky late lads

2006-04-02T10:32:00.000-07:00

10:32am's shoutout!

uwaw. can't believe it's 10 something already. jeng jeng! haha yelly's whatsoever. hmm.. last dawn (not night) was great! rock en roll baby! i had the chance to go out even it's 12:30am. already, though yea, that's merely a block away.. lol! at first i thought imma have a social suicide for not going. ic's here like around 9pm and i totally accepted the crap that i can't go because of lola. i did rant and almost cried over it. excuse me but it's not lame! look, yani's there while i am here, yet the distance is too close. that's fuckining in mind! but thanks to dad, he came here to the rescue!! wohooo!! then i told ic to hit the road. oh how dorky! haha. it was late, really. and we're there to interact with those 'sikat sa opm'. 'sikat' but the people don't know how their music beat and hit. whoa the people (the audience my dear) were trying so hard and that is sooo gay. yes, they we're so gay. haha. moving on, ic and i waited inside (and not just inside, plus it with 'upstairs' heh *grin*). woo! for now, connections with the big ones were really that good. this is reality baby! i even tagged with the mayor and the manager of the said pub. lol. i'm a grown up kiddo. you dorky meepers! haha. then the group went to our place, with first to see the drummer - bogs, then some P.A., next was ic's inlike (and also mine's) - dok, then there was ely, and lastly, sir y, yelly's big bro, juliet's romeo - yani. awww.. my biggest crush nowadays.. yikeee to me. haha. i smiled at yani as he smiled back, recalling the worthy pic in MET that he signed at the 6UG (the group's home of music). y's face seemingly asked my presence. i didn't kept my eyes staring yani, but i know where he is. i'm soo happy seeing him again. and yes, happier when we had our shot, again and again.

oh, i remember my ex's cuz, she insisted too (after seeing how... uhm....)
'whoa. ang swerte mo, naka-akbay pa sa waist'
'hehe'
'ako din kunan mo kasama yun'
'ok, go to yani and ask him'
'eh nakakahiya'
'ok. i'll look for dok muna'

then i had it with diane before going to dok. i'm liking diane after the said shot, she is nice, and i love the lyrics of the track she used to sing. i love her song and it's vampire no more! lol. and dok, oooh dok, he looks good with those shades. yikee to my girl ic. hehehe. so what about armo? hmm.. now, that's the question to be asked! oh anyways, i had this great conv with dok.

'oh, i better go now, there's your..'
'nde.. uh, hindi naman ako nakain ng seafoods, i mean, hindi ako mahilig sa seafoods'
'haha. see you na lang sa dish'

*then umepal na si mayor with his kiddos*

just some lines and there, we stepped down and went home.

hayy.. i wanna see them again. Dish gig please. hehe. ic hear me! listen listen! Disssssssssssssssshhhhh..!! hahaha. i love you broa, i enjoyed it (from the bonding sessions here and there.. oh oh there you go), so please, make it happen.. again, dish!!

*big hug or self hug? both!*

bey's birthday tomorrow. hugs and kisses to my bey! i'm soo missing him. text text text... haha. do the bey thing! lol.

>>| whoopsie bubblegum on the friendzone

2006-03-30T18:42:00.000-08:00

status : focusing on myself =|

i want to be perfect. yet all i can do is to sob. lament me! argh!

hayy.. i haven't applied yet =/ i'm enjoying the air of a tempo bum muna. uwaw! that is so gaaaay! fuckingly-monstrous, i'm almost playing dead.

not like my cm's dadeh and mameh. both of them were really living. busy working, indeed.

ayos nga eh, dadeh is a call boy na. guess why?! he's working in a call center kasi.. *grin* hahahaha. makapag call girl nga rin. lol.

i've been missing everything and everyone lately. and yea, puro boys yon.

just got this bitterly-sweet idea after watching 'just friends'.. omg, Chris Klein is sooo likable now. having that charm of freddie prinze jr. would sure hit it. *grin* darning hoooot! try it guys and girls. before it'll be overrated. like ***-es. you get it? uwaw! you are soooo damn bright! yikkeee!

link @ http://jed-i.blogspot.com for your rawrs with self-hug.

have a great night!

+ a lss of "pero mahal kita wala ng hahanapin pang iba.. handa akong mag tiis kahit na away away away na 'to!" (that's the chorus part. pero ayos din ung bridge with the same chords ng torete... pero ang pinaka, ung last effect. isa pang whoopsie!)

>>| "di alam kung tatakbo o kusang lalayo sa'yo"

2006-03-26T20:47:00.000-08:00

went to church alone. as is na yon, i'm single eh.

mom told me to go to church even without that someone (or merely 'someone'). i know.. i know.. and i have to, really.. and so i did. i have to thank God for all those blessings (..and counting! oh yea!).

and guess who was seated beside me? count 1 to 3 and start now! haha.. ok, stop! it's Jeison. one of my ex-es with the duplicated-yael's-image-and-voice. yay! pa-epal siya most of the time. but this time is different. DINEDMA ko siya. uwaw! i'm really changing. *smugs* and i'm lovin' it. who wouldn't? that's the right way to snob and reject the come back of yesterday's. soooo righteous of me baby! though i miss having a real 'karir'.

*freakingly pissed*

mind says, "it's difficult".
heart says, "it's breaking".
and i say, "I SHOULD".

i'll stay "single" as is
(with 'karirs' naman yon eh!)

>>| Cannot find server's effect

2006-03-23T19:51:00.000-08:00

argh. soo seemingly got my own mall tour for 3 days (except yesterday).
*much laughs and angst* wala akong nabibiling gusto ko para sa sarili ko eh. gawwddd.. next time, i won't be mall-ing with some other seniors *shuttts* mom and dad and lola (and joan and jam) is wayyyy tooo goooood and betterrrr and lovelllllllyyy to mallhop.. *smiles*

i'm missing my kurtofski (with all his 'banat lines' and whatnots). i'm missing jed as well (oooh! the polar bear hug in every nightly gig). pati si jesse, and trix, and the sc boys (esp yellybelly and sir y).. yay! i really need to go out and be with them again..... and that is ..... SOON!

punish me for not going this month. hmft! i promise to exist as march ends.

>>| the antonym of love

2006-03-22T00:16:00.000-08:00

after having my photos transferred here, i posted it on my friendster acc immediately for the public's itch, together with captions.

nothing's harsh.
nothing's evil.

i wrote it justly, reasonably, honestly.

"good old days will remain as heart learns.. promised or not, it will."

..with the nicest smile i ever did that night, i never thought of having this kind of come back..

"i do not remember days, i remember moments."

WOW! that's a hella fine answer to hit me through.

feel like ranting now.

much sob and i can't take it longer.

i'm hating you.

seemingly a real hate that is soon to impart.

>>| hope to dope

2006-03-21T13:44:00.000-08:00

We lost break twice and I am one lucky fuck to live and be productive with that curse of love and life. I told Kurtofski about all those. Funny how it happened, funny how things happen as is.

This is just another angry day to live by... and why is that?

I'm lacking the initiative now.

I can't break the news of love-ass materials, even what is real.
Plus, I'm starting to hate some people really bad.

Swear I do.

Fucktards! I need a self hug.

=/

I sooo learned a lot about life and you...

>>| trip it with google

2006-03-21T10:33:00.000-08:00

link @ http://007google.com/eihcamhai.aspx

>>| lament with airs

2006-03-10T02:11:00.000-08:00

it's 2 am and i'm done with our user's manual. i'll be sleeping in a while.. wishing next that it'll be forever

'nakakainis ka eh!'

>>| buhaya's day-off

2006-03-07T21:34:00.000-08:00

i'll keep this entry simple and straight.

ayos na sana ang lahat eh.

- my project and take home exam in compiler are both signed by our prof.
- my report in phil consti passed with flying remarks (that is to be presented until friday).
- i'm 4 hours early for our config exam in cisco.

so yea. that was heartening. pero fuckshit! ZERO kami sa config exam. wowwwww eh! know why? one of my groupmates took that exam with her notes. and yes, our group failed because of her idiocy.

'alam mo nahihiya ako sa'yo.. nadamay ka pa. graduating ka pa naman'
'ok lang. bakit naman kasi gumamit pa siya ng notes.. nasasagot ko naman yung mga tanong niya diba?'
'sorry talaga'

damnnn.. i don't deserve that eh. ano ba! fuckining config lang yon! i don't deserve that group. i don't deserve that grade. config yon eh.. my desired subject above all tomes.

'tangina kung d lang ako papasa d2 sa exam sana d na ko nag Com Sci'
'oo nga. sna nag IM o kaya nag IT na lang tayo'
'oi hindi na! magcacaregiver na lang ako... 9months? with certificate.. hahaha fuckshit yon'

but ok, tropa ko yung prof and she told me to retake the config exam tomorrow morning. yea thanks. i need that shit eh.

much of that darniest, my exes and crushes were also there. even bart.

what happened just happened..

gaguhan.
barahan.
asaran.

same as is. nakakasawa.

bart: 'uubusin pa ba kayong mga com sci?'
mhai: 'oo. mas mahalaga kasi kami sa inyo eh'

bart: 'o anong nangyari sa exam niyo?'
mhai: 'tigilan mo ko!'
bart: 'suplada mo ah'

mhai: 'mukha kang tanga ah, buong araw ka na nag-aantay jan'
bart: 'oo nga eh. ikaw rin naman. haha.'
mhai: 'edi umuwi ka na. magyosi ka na lang'
bart: 'kanina pa nga eh. tara yosi'
mhai: 'o sige. bye.'
bart: 'hahaha.. marunong ka ba sa cabling?'
mhai: 'oo naman. palagay mo sakin?'
bart: 'yabang. turuan mo ko.'
mhai: 'haha. wag na. hayaan na lang kita bumagsak.'
bart: 'ganon?'
mhai: 'yea.. dun na nga ako. nakakatamad dito. walang matinong kausap.'
bart: 'oo nga eh. wala ngang matinong kausap.'
mhai: 'tsk. sige na.'
bart: 'huy mamaya na. stay ka muna dito...'

mhai: 'oi, i'm going home na'
bart: 'ok. ingat'
mhai: 'hug?'
bart: *giving a hug*
mhai: 'joke lang yon pards. naniwala ka?'
bart: 'mga trip mo nanaman noh'
mhai: *grin*

stoooooooory. lol. wala naman yan eh. harking back lang so i wrote it as well. masaya kasing makipag-gaguhan (not literally). pero, it's almost fading now. really.

>>| catch it, it's yours

2006-02-28T21:56:00.000-08:00

there are much more important things to be done now but i promise to do it later

i just have to write what i want to.. it'll be not so lame

here we go..

bart may be the god i wanted to serve. hah. without fake acts and self-glorified pride, i really would like to be her doll. funny! 'the bum doll of a god' as my idiotic mind once imagined.

but time warps, changing everything and even moves the unmoved.

i, myself can't help it.. cause i'm pretty sure of the fact that i cannot wait forever for him to fix me.

rescues can be done with some other, better person.

perhaps i should be moving on for there's nothing and noone to hold back.

you are existing no more.

my washed out love,
the love that happened to be hate.

i hate to be pissed off

i hate to be depressed

i hate it when i sob and emo

but how could i hate such when the reason of my writing is hate itself?

am i hating you in purpose?

>>| prepare to shut

2006-02-25T23:34:00.000-08:00

you are not like them, so you in every aspect.

when you rant
when you sob
when you love

but people hates you for being you.

mad
harsh
cruel

disappointing? for them it is, yet for me, it doesn't.

i like you though you are often too proud and confident
i like you because you are strong
i like you that i can't even tell you i do

screw you brutha.. i shouldn't be thinking of you now =/ this is so fuckining..

>>| c'mon baby, let's breathe...

2006-02-24T18:38:00.000-08:00

finally, an entry before the heart month ends.

yea i know how i've been busy the whole day (and the whole week as well). like ronald, some sensed me as a snob for whatever purpose they could think of. could you define busy in your mind? that's the bestest word to describe me right now. so just, do understand why.. ok?

much for that, at least i could still smile and laugh in times. but this is so tiring. it really is. but thank God for the delay of time. we'll be having our defense not for tomorrow but within the coming week (or maybe, next saturday as we assume).

whoa.. a real thanks! a lot. haha. that's superb. nice. nice. =) now, we can eat and rest on time.

such a beautiful world in a peaceful mind.

then, i could...

make.
trip.
lit.
enjoy.

that's more relaxing right?

=)

help me breathe..
fix.
fix.
fix.

=)

and uh,
hi world.

hahahahahaha

crazyyyy i (not me.. lol)

>>| when it's too open, it'll become too close

2006-02-20T01:05:00.000-08:00

sya: oi, what's up.
ako: kauwi mo lang?
sya: heh, yeah. galing kaming gig sa guadalupe.
ako: look mo yung av.. tapos ireremove ko rin.. buzz me kapag naview mo na
BUZZ!!!
ako: ok.
sya: kailangan ko na talagang magpagupit at magshave.
ako: haha. ayos lang naman ah.
ako: ang layo mo dun sa shot na yun
sya: may shot naman na mas malapit diba
ako: yea.. pero hindi gaanong maayos eh.
ako: mas gusto ko yun
ako: natural yung smile mo
sya: heh..
ako: haha. wala kang nasabi.
sya: hindi naman ako ngumingiti eh.
ako: nakasmile ka dun eh..
ako: haha..
sya: chambahan lang yon.
sya: heh.
ako: err.. sige hindi na.. pero gusto ko yung shot na yun
sya: heh..
sya: sige =)
sya: teka, matutulog na ako, sobrang pagod na ako eh.
sya: ingat ka ah. good night.
sya has signed out. (2/20/2006 12:25 AM)
ako: gnyt ***.. next time, hug me tight ok

walang kinalaman yung title.. naisip ko lang yung sinabi ng prof namin. tama naman ah. ganon yon kalabo. parang sya. sobrang labo.

damn.. why should it be like this?
though i know,
it isn't of love at all..

>>| you're a god and i am not

2006-02-14T01:29:00.000-08:00

so do i have to say 'i love you'?

err...

have a happy valentine's instead

>>| i'm missin' my glasses though there's a new one.. nasaan ka? nawala lang parang bula..

2006-02-12T20:22:00.000-08:00

just got home from a busy sunday. yesterday too. and the day before.

things happen not as exact as you may think. i reacted like a half child and half retarded. silly me but i really did.

they were overjoyed by the idea while singing "ligaya" out loud..

"tatlong oras na akong nagpapacute sa'yo"
(yea 3 hours exactly)

"gagawin ko ang lahat pati ang thesis mo"
(yikes.. a package deal?)

"di naman ako manyakis tulad ng iba"
(true or false?)

haha.

laugh and rant.

i don't know what to feel.

i'm not used to be this.

looking ideal yet wicked.

never did i told him to like me. yes, i'm pertaining to the guy who's helping us with our system. i need the program itself, not him.

and even with the help of my friends or my bestest cannot make me fall for someone new (that i don't even like for the first place).

look, my heart is locked with no one securing it. in time, it would be unlocked, i know. but the time isn't NOW. not yet.

my world started to rotate differently. have you ever sensed it?

i'm tired of the usual getups.

not wanting any flirtables (as tj named it) or any dating games and whatnots.

so stop the valentines competition of couples. i think that is overrated. for sweet is sweeter when it's private. though publicity's on the go especially on 14th.

i can't feel you now. and i will not, even for tomorrow.

but how would you know?

well, maybe the stars will tell you tonight.

oh, and i forgot to tell..
i happen to only fall for a god, and you are not, so it is.

nightmares for you my dear.

don't love,
ME

>>| "mag-alay tayo ng isang minuto para ipanalangin ang mga nasawi..."

2006-02-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

fuckshit na balita yan
hanggang ngayon tungkol pa rin sa stampede dun sa ultra

yung bilang lang nga ng namatay ang nagbabago eh
mula sa 60 naging 72, tapos ngayon 74 na (iba pa yung bilang ng mga nasugatan lang ah)

ayos eh
wala na rin silang ginawa kundi magsisihan

ang bobo kasi nila

ang bobo ng mga squatter na yan
masyado silang makasarili, mukhang pera, at ilusyonado

sisisihin pa nila ngayon ang abs
tapos yung iba, ung wowowee mismo

may pagkukulang nga ang abs/wowowee o yung pamahalaan para sa seguridad
pero pagkukulang lang yon eh
ang totoong may kasalanan, edi yang mga bobong squatter na yan na umepal para makapasok dun sa gate

kung may disiplina sila,
kung may pinagaralan sila,
magkakaganoon ba?

hindi diba

squatter nga kasi!
mapaghangad na mga squatter!!

asar!

ayoko sana magpost nito eh
pero nauurat kasi ako

oh ibabato mo sakin na sana hindi ako nanonood?

gago ka ba?

gusto ko maging updated kaya ako nanonood ng news

updated sa mga pwedeng mangyari sa bawat araw

pero kung gaya nga nito ang balita sa araw-araw
at magiging updated lang ako sa bilang ng nasawi o nasugatan

sige

HUWAG NA LANG

hindi na nga oh

tumigil ka na

epal ka rin eh

>>| The Mechanical Contrivium

2006-02-05T14:11:00.000-08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Mhai!

The fingerprints of mhai are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.
The mhai-fighting market in the Philippines is huge - several thousand mhai-fights take place there every day.
Mhaiicide is the killing of mhai.
In Chinese, the sound 'mhai' means 'bite the wax tadpole'!
Mhai is incapable of sleep.
Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are mhai!
There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of mhai orbiting the Earth.
Research indicates that mhai will be attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas!
Mhai is the traditional gift for a couple on their third wedding anniversary.
Two thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in mhai!

>>| choose one and pass [mine's martini]

2006-02-04T16:03:00.000-08:00

bacardi
[if you're single and love it]

vodka
[if you're single and like whatever happens,
happens...]

smirnoff
[if you like someone but they dont know]

margarita
[if you're taken]

wine coolers
[if you like someone who doesn't like you back]

martini
[if u are confused about someone]

jack daniels
[if you feel like giving up on love all together]

>>| worst of the best bestest of the worsest

2006-02-03T18:29:00.000-08:00

black
blacker
blackest

tall
taller
tallest

best
bester (?)
bestest (??)

worse
worser (more worse)
worsest (much worse? haha)

All right, this is just what I have to do when I don't have any idea of the next.

Write.

Write anything that I would be thinking and will soon stop those unwanted emotions coming through. Sigh. It isn't that hard but I'm making it badly.

I have this hanky issue for almost 15 days and this is not a pab story to tell.

Right after retreat, another event will explode as our org commemorates (seeing that it'll be my last year to stick with those events).

And so, I bought 2 tix for the pre pageant night... one for me, and the other is reserved for whoever chap that will be tagging up. My girlfriends also bought their own tix and planned to support our classmate who'll be representing our section, but before the show started they had their own line of attacks and went off with their cronies (or followers as I call them).

I asked Bart to see me at the front gate as I get there. He waited as if calmed for several minutes until I showed up. I shut for a while, thinking he is already pissed off. He noticed it as he holds close and tight, almost saying 'apology accepted'.

We were there the whole show, seated at the last row in the center, making lines and sweet jests. It wasn't disturbing, and wasn't the PDA as couples does.

The days after the next seem to be superb, purely like the days before it was (referring to our retreat). We exchange letters to lines, double up the laughs, and tell the likes. I didn't lose the count. We exist even at dawn. He'll drive me home and kisses the night. Everyday is a happy day. Everyday lasts.

A week speed up, and we are still we.

Another event will soon be boosting around our org. Bart and their section will organize the early 7o'clock mass and a day-to-afternoon seminar, while we're about to design for the 'battle of the bands' to be tolerated that night.

Night came, and I'm under the weather. He ordered 2 tix for us and escorted me. I can't snub his invitation just because of that fever. It's all set. So, I go.

As printed, we went there on time.

Many were still alarmed about us. They gag and ask us how we were, and we have to tell them nothing.

Then after the mingling sessions, we went inside, placing ourselves on the last center table (our preferred place to settle). We parked there, watching how the staffs assist the bands to perform in a while, and the wine waiters that were not yet done with their handiwork.

I chanted with the music they played. Stuck and bored I consider, Filipino time my dear, the guest will arrive later than the late. Heave a sigh, fluky me that the tracks were from the Eheads Tribute. I am to enjoy the music and the music itself as is. He hums and rather stares. I did stare too, but not as lengthy as he could. A little annoyed of what he is doing, I cut back and initiated, asking the stupidest question one could ask. And as expected, he answered with the stupidest answers he could think of. That way, we may perhaps overlook whichever sluggishness we were in.

The battle started later than our patience of one hour. Tip.. Tipsy.. Tip.. Tipsy.. Tip.. More bands to go and I see myself half way drunk. Yet, I can still drink for I could still notice my ex to perform that night. Well yea, I had him on my cam though it was a blurry shot. Cheers! More sober for me and for him!! I'm not yet drunk that time, i'm just half drunk.. So I am to drink another half of the half of what is half.

I didn't sob.
I didn't struggle.
I didn't squeal.

What I did next is to ask him... ask him to bring me home right away.

He told me to relax but I didn't listen. I don't want to stay there, its loud, of course it is.

I insist what I wanted so he had no choice but to go after.

The battle wasn't over as we walked out. I know what's going on while my head spins. I may well hear those who screamed for their desired 'fag band'. That was really loud that I am about to bloat... and the next thing he did is to hand me his hanky.

I returned home safely like a baby with her nanny. Then, I went upstairs without thinking how he will exit mom's interrogation. I slept as soon as I entered my room. I didn't even bother to think of my things.

Next morning, I woke up remembering my idiocy the night before. I smiled as I saw his hanky next to me. Then, I looked for my cam and phone. Present! It was there! Haha. But I can't find my glasses. Perhaps, I misplaced it somewhere.

Forgetting about the glasses, I still have my phone. So what I did next is to send him an apology note.

A day after, he replied but he's seemingly awkward. As it become constant...

But I can't turn the time back to correct my wrong doings. I just have to accept each upshot. Consequences as is.

I act contrite though nothing happens.

I cry.
I rant.
I bleed.

I've been doing this for 15 days, and yes it's counting. It won't stop there as is. I know it won't. For as long as I feel the pain of yesterdays, the hanky will be tightly tied up in my wrist, with my heartbeat.

Maybe this is my destiny. To be able to know you that quick before you have to leave me that swift. That was nice. Sure it is. And though you're causing me pain, I'm still thankful for what our destiny did.

Next time, I promise not to drink again.

I promise not to drink again.
I promise not to drink again.
I promise not to drink again.

No, I won't be typing it 100x or more.
I'll try to stop here and type it for the last time, all in caps.

I PROMISE NOT TO DRINK AGAIN WHEN I AM SICK.

A pretty good pledge right?

Genie, I command you to do my wish as I have my vow!

"I'll be wishing that after this life, destiny may let us meet again."

Fuckshit.

It was like a... once upon a time without a happy ending.

>>| for rent

2006-02-01T09:33:00.000-08:00

myself.
(sellout here)

yea, i've been so disappointing with the thought of being just by myself now. how lame isn't it? yadah yadah yadah.. it's not for the heart's day you may be thinking. enough for that reason (for that'll be more lame).

i really don't care if i don't have any date on 14th. but if someone would ask me (wishing it's him), that'll be pleasingly all right.

couples are in demand when february comes
and it's already february.. really.

argh.
stupid thoughts.

well, i'm not being bitterly mad of what is.
and i got no subject with what i am writing.
i just have to write now to stop my ranting.

>>| not so real

2006-01-25T20:31:00.000-08:00

>>| after 8640 minutes, this is still clear in my head without beer

2006-01-25T20:26:00.000-08:00

"ang ganda ng buhok mo"
"oh?"
"bagay sayo"
"tapos"
"yun lang, maganda, bagay sayo"
"ano nga?"
"anong alin?"
"sige na laitin mo na ako.. pagkatapos ano"
"haha. hindi eh. yun nga lang"
"sus"

>>| Try to appreciate the beauty with my mistakes

2006-01-25T20:19:00.000-08:00

Last night I drew the dead colors of my own. It's a mixture of my dark moments with you and with others.

The dullness made me do it.

It was an art to be valued at last.

The good looks of the bad.

"Funny" how I did it
"Clever" as they say

...and "Pain" as you caused it

(I wish I could write this with the blood I used for my painting)

>>| yay! from an unknown

2006-01-23T20:39:00.000-08:00

09262846140 : Hi! must n?

mhai-numero : yea.. who's this?

09262846140 : db ikw c mitch?

mhai-numero : no i'm not.. you got the wrong number. who's mitch nga pala? maybe i knw her..

(look, i'm asking for the surname of that mitch ah)

09262846140 : Sori h. Im yeoj, hw abt u?

mhai-numero : typical tactic to do.. why is it too obvious? what do you need ah?

09262846140 : Do u knw mitch? Cn u b my txtm8.

mhai-numero : how will i know the mitch you are referring to if you're just throwing me those unwanted answers? you're making yourself as stupid as it shouldn't be. funny.

yun lang yun eh, gusto ko lang talaga ilagay dito para kung may nakakaalam ng numero ko at gusto akong gaguhin e magkaroon siya ng ideya na sa ibang paraan ako nagagago.

at oo, suplada talaga ako sa tanga.
(lalo na pag masama ang gising ko sa gabi.. hahahaha)

>>| ain't my fault either

2006-01-23T15:30:00.000-08:00

being a computer literate can be hard for some people that i don't know how to name. and it happens to be a day-to-day instance if you handle a computer center. customers will ask you time-to-time for their problems and damage. fucker. some where just the basics that my brother (a kiddo) could do in his own. wow, how stupid they were now? worst to worsts. with s, oh yea. isn't it awful?

i reacted as is,
for it's not over to over-reaction

fucker.. how many times do i have to react on it huh?

>>| angst.

2006-01-23T15:00:00.000-08:00

minsan badshot kapag wala kang magawa
wala kang magawa tapos mag-isa ka pa

mag-isa ka kaya gusto mo na lang mag-rant
at mag-rarant ka dahil sa lahat ng emosyon na nararamdaman mo

nakakaramdam ka lang naman ng ganun kapag mag-isa ka eh
mag-isa ka na walang magawa hanggang sa mabadshot ka tulad ko

=/

>>| it comes.. scrolling

2006-01-21T16:49:00.000-08:00

i want to rant and tell you something. tamang balik senti after nung last entry ko. hindi pa naman overrated, pero ang lame ko na though i'm not trying to be. talk about stupid. yea right, i'm wallowing in self pity.

i told you to fix me!

now, that's your fault..

>>| after ng kasentihan

2006-01-21T16:23:00.000-08:00

(Not being an Anti-GMA, I'll just write my reaction about the said issue.)

Our political system does really need a change, but changing the Constitution at this time might be a commotion. It seems to be our President's excuse for the sounding issue about her impeachment. Such strategies and tactics of our President to make us unfocused of that matter.

Charter change looks to be a move for us, but we are not so sure if it is the remedy to our problem. Or if it will, is it the best or the only way out? And how come that it is only now that it has become the center of attention (moreover, of our President's).

"In governance, the correct choice technically is not always the popular one", as written in the newspaper I have. Well, yes that the correct choice can't always be the popular one, but not in the case of our government. They (though not all, but not few) does their business for their own benefit. As so, let's take this as an example. This proposal might be a solution not for the poor or the riches, not for the fool or the wise, not even for our country or not even for us, but for the President herself of her problem to her presidency, discussing of the Charter change to stop initiating of her impeachment.

The President's view may be different from what I have in mind right now. This is just my reaction of what it should be.

How wise is our President to make this so unclear
And how hard it is to trust her after all the lies she had, have, and will be having

>>| am i too late to change?

2006-01-20T22:38:00.000-08:00

this is our 9th day.

....
simula nung una kitang nakilala sa bus dahil sa pang-aasar ko.
simula nung lagi kayong nakatambay sa room namin or inaantay niyo kami papuntang hall.
simula nung ikaw yung kumukuha ng food ko para mareserve ko yung table na makakatabi kayo samin.
simula nung pagbuhat mo sa bag ko pauwi at pagtabi sa trip.
simula nung gaguhan natin after nung retreat.

simula ng lahat ng ginagawa mo at lahat ng ginusto ko sa'yo na masasabi kong nahuhulog na ko sa'yo kahit ilang days pa lang.

simula nga lang lahat ng yon eh pero bakit bigla ka na lang nawala?
nakakagago ka naman eh!

sana hindi mo na lang sinabi yon.
sana hindi mo na lang pinaramdam yon.
sana nanahimik ka na lang nung simula pa lang.
sana hindi ka na nagpakilala.
sana hindi ka na lumapit.

at sana hindi na kita ginusto.
o sana hindi kita minahal ng ganito kabilis.

nakakaasar.
nakakaiyak.
nakakagago.

tama sila eh,
mahal na nga kita kaagad.

taena naman oh.

>>| ayoko ng uminom!

2006-01-20T11:13:00.000-08:00

haha. nakakatuwang nakakagago yung kagabi. may lumapit kasi na isang binata na medyo may edad at may kayabangan. akala niya yata eh nagmumuni-muni akong mag-isa. so yun, paupo na siya sa vacant seat na akala niya lang na vacant. haha.

"miss may nakaupo ba dito?"
"what?" (maarte pa nga yung pagkakasabi ko niyan na parang nabibingi lang kasi malakas yung sound system)
"uh, do you have company?"
"yea."

ahahaha. napa-english tuloy siya, sabi ko lang naman "what" eh... hahahaha. ah yung ginamit niya nga palang term na "company", siguro naman naintindihan niyo na "kasama" yung tinutukoy niya. err wala lang. baka tanga ka eh. hahaha.

>>| Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

2006-01-09T17:34:00.000-08:00

1.

My Social Dysfunction: Happy

"You're a happy person - you have a good amount of self-esteem, and are socially healthy. While this isn't a social dysfunction per se, you're definitely not normal. Consider yourself lucky: you walk that fine line between 'normal' and being outright narcissistic. You're rare - which is something else to be happy about."

2.

The Picto-Personality Test

You are a person who likes to have fun all the time.

When alone, you like to relax and do exactly what you feel like doing at the time.

You are adventurous, always up to do the most extreme things. You have a certain recklessness that makes people very attracted to you.

In the future you will have a good family life and lots of friends.

Take this Test at QuizGalaxy.com

Death through freak supernatural incident

You are going to die in a freak vampire/werewolf incident. I would start carrying garlic and silver bullets if I were you. There is something weird about your demeanor, and evil is attracted to you. Plus you may be a little attracted to evil too.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

>>| y why?

2006-01-07T17:47:00.000-08:00

Their TV appearances for the year 2006 were boosting. People now appreciate them and that was quite good. Is this their blessing? Oh anyways, I'm just feeling bitterly sweet of what isn't supposed to be. I haven't watched them (in any program) since the year initiated.

It's been a year and I still like him. Like or Fixated? Like is when you just like someone or something, it's the typical term we often use, while fixation is when we can't get enough of something we like, or addiction perhaps. Get it? So yes, I'm fixated with him and this isn't just the simple like. Heh.

Getting fixated with someone can be hard. I just don't know how hard it will get. We are different in many ways, and so it is.

Probably, I can't explain what I am really feeling right now. I'm going nuts with my fixation and it's rounding up every time I hear a news or gossip about him.

Nevermind.

Consider this entry as a nonsensical tale.

*sigh*

I just...................... LOVE *HIM*

Please define LOVE.

And uh,
How dork I am?

=/

Am I just being a fanatic?

>>| At wit ends..

2006-01-06T15:14:00.000-08:00

It's not as cool as many could see. Or maybe it's not just the right place to be. Ang labo? Haha. Angst.

Currently, I'm typing the DB lessons we will use in our system (yes, the 2nd part of our thesis). And as I was doing those craps, dad plays the music he was burning in a cd, which was a dance trance indeed. Oh well, I know I have to respect that other genre, as I have it on my NY'sRes List. So ok, I did.

Then after, a girl enters and the smell of the cig she smoked reeked in my place. She sat besides me, as if she has this banner saying "SMELL ME, I SMOKE". D'uh! Though you smoke or you drink, or whatever bad vices you got, it will not increase you social profile Fucker! You are so lame. And hey, I don't care even you'll tell me all of your habits. Go get a life!

You think I'm gonna praise you for what you did? Screw you and your cheap cig.

>>| Nostalgia, that is.

2006-01-05T20:11:00.000-08:00

Way away, hush.
Not as pointless as I tell on you before.
It can be everything to me now.

Regrets?

Do you remember how it was?
Twas an attitude... so real

Just let it out now
Let it all out as before
And I'll let it out again

(that's not a song if you do think it is)

woooo!

>>| bitter pill

2005-12-28T09:51:00.000-08:00

Nine hundred seventy two thousand seconds (or more)... that's the count I had in bed since yesterday. And it was considered to be the last bad condition I could have before the year ends. I'm still dizzy but I have to do my daily online habit (which is not this). But I just had a matter to write a while ago as I've been sipping mom's made herbal tea.

We're about to shop for some new materials this morning, but my fever is like forever, so mom decided to cancel it and just re-schedule it after this commotion. Guilt hasn't hit my mind. What did is the "in-mind" theory I always believe.

Realizing that "Hindi pala lahat ng sakit, mapapagaling mo dahil sa isip mo", though in some instance it's effective.

"It's just in your mind" as I always say when Irene's about to vomit (happened months ago). There, my words had been useful. But maybe, those words simply strengthen her. Things can be effective by words. So real! Same goes in love or in like issues.

And every time there's a particular guy I really want, I will tell myself "I can get him". Putting aside any glum, as I dare with time for that's what I have in mind. Well, it was good so far, 10 out of 10 as I assume.

But if these words are not as effective as it supposed to be, what will come next?

Medicines & Therapy could help us to restore our health. It can cure a disease only if it is the right drug for your sickness. For mild cases (like fever, the one I'm having), parents are familiar with the medicines to be used. But for some anomalous cases, doctor's prescriptions were necessary. Also, trying of medicines should be exact with the time and its measure. Otherwise, it'll be useless. And as to love (again), it's as same as is. I, myself tried to find the righteous man over and over. Like the drugs I took, those men were a part of me and my history. Sometimes, I listen for some advice (mom's, friends, or even lola's).

At present, I'm under mom's medication.
And at present, I'm committed with someone.

The use of the medicines and herbal teas cured my fever and sore throat. Mom's a good doctor to me. She really knows how to take care of her patient, her daughter. I sooo love my mom. =)

In the other hand, trying to feel affection for my boyfriend is so hard. Mostly, when I see him as a dead person, soon to be buried. He's nothing! Or maybe he is something, something of no use (compared to an ineffective drug because of expiration).

Lately, I've been thinking... I thought kulang lang kami sa time or whatnots. Pero that's not it. Maybe, if he is a drug, that drug wasn't for my disease. A wrong recommendation I tried that could mount such.

Also, upon taking any drugs, the user (ang hassle ng term, parang drug user... haha), or the patient (this is nicer), should trust his surgeon and the drug itself he takes. Having any faith will be as useful as the "in-mind" theory. It's what you believe to be true or is actually true.

Some takes their medicine but doesn't have any hope, so what's the use?

Hope is much to consider.
Medicine just comes in between.

And time,
Time is shifting.
It shifts and makes a medicine to soon expire and become useless.

So before it does,

In Mind,
Remedy,
And Believe.

>>| eyebags! yadah yadah..

2005-12-25T09:55:00.000-08:00

eve before xmas:
[pick : stripedblack&white + red/green add-ons]

meeeep.. this is it.. i just had my nine mornings (or dawn mass as i call it) and an evening mass as christmas comes. everybody tagged and made my christmas fun. gifts and messages appear from time to time. wow. i love this time of the year. make christmas last forever =P

Happy Birthday Dear Jesus
and Merry Christmas everyone

"It's Christmas, all over the world tonight. It's Christmas, all over the world."

9th day of simbang gabi:
[pick : blued blue + striped white]

so where are we now? ah on my 9th morn.. hahaha. who'd forget the count eh this is it.. i went there as is with pride. hmm i can't find for any better term than that, so yea, pride. the pride of completing something i would really like to.. but its different with the pride that you may have in mind. hah! and as the mass ended, i felt something good. blessed? oh i don't know but it might be.. yea really. dad & i made it =) congrats 2 us. hahaha..

i'll not be late than later
promises!

8th day of simbang gabi:
[pick : chocolate + white add-ons]

tadah.. 1 more dawn mass to go ah!

i arrived 10 minutes before the mass started (and that's late than the usual). i bumped into the remnants as i entered (the church). they were like demons to spread over the side walls to buzz nonsensical matter and disturbs the people inside. i hate seeing them though hate isn't nice or good in God's eye. but i can't like them either. for me, they were too hard to like. squatters as is. unlike thy angel (the sacristan i like) that has been so striking.

tomorrow will be the last dawn i could see him.
and that'll be semi-heartrending, for i'm almost used to see him everyday (of the dawn).

sad isn't it?

7th day of simbang gabi:
[pick : heavenly white + blue]

seven is my lucky number just as before we have used it as our own.
but i don't believe in such nowadays.
for he's my biggest mistake.

my ex(s) were much better than him,
in pampering me,
or of loving as is.

father priest told us not to compare.
its a sermon to be optionally followed.

sorry father for i have sinned and will always will
(i think its better than lying)

6th day of simbang gabi:
[pick : dark brown + cream-black]

i'm not into young guys anymore, but there's this kiddo i feel like. fancy me oh fancy but i really crush him. see, he's a minor but i think we'll be good together. his angelic image pleases the eye of many as he carry himself being a sacristan. i, myself was strucked by it, or him indeed.

before the mass begins this morning, he brought the holy bible in the center while the people gathers gradually. dad and i placed ourselves in the aisle (nearby the center). and for that instance, i could probably see my angel (though his not mine.. haha).

he gazed at me before he left.
i wonder..
thus, it made me smile without anybody knowing it.

then after, the mass begins.
at the outset, i looked for him (as always).

..but i can't find him. he's not there.

and as the mass ended, i'm still up to play the game.
ugh, the hide and seek match! what else ne?

until i stepped out of the church,
hoping to see him as another day passes through

"if not today, i will wait for tomorrow"
haha. i suck. those words are not so meant. heh.

but it doesn't stop there.
next up, he was standing outside, staring innocently.
felt at ease, i am so pleased
and so, i just smiled gently and walked away.

too sweet that my angel haven't flown away yet =)

5th day of simbang gabi:
[pick : beige + black add-ons]

nothing new, except that i felt dead and unpretty today.
but hey, i made it even if i'm so exhausted.

jays called around 6am while i'm having my pajamas back.
he's making fun with it, sexy jokes what-so-ever.
it's stupidly good for 2hours.

i want him straight,
with the status "single"...

4th day of simbang gabi:
[pick : dark blue + gold]

wow. reactions might be overrated as well. who'd ever imagine that he'd walk me through the church? hah. is that my boyfriend? oh real? fucker. i thought i forgot having one. cause i've been acting so single in the past few days, though few means countless for the matter.

*sigh*
i'm not just used to it

"HE with ME"
d'uh!

(a fact to disappoint you, sweetheart)

3rd day of simbang gabi:
[pick : pastel pink + gray]

the on going mass was disrupted by the demons fight o'er the walls.
tsk.

lola tagged with me and dad, but dad came first.
we're not late though lots of seats were taken when we entered.

skirts are good without air blast.
i'm in feenk and i pretty like myself.
looks innocently sweet.
but revenge is sweeter.
all the same eh?

pink + blue
equals me and you
hahaha
i saw john, and he's still attractive
guess that i want him, again.

2nd day of simbang gabi:
[pick : lime + royal blue]

almost the same as yesterday,
though i haven't cry out before shower.

saw my ex suitor in stripes and brown.
gave him a smile after that stare i noticed.

sweets + smiles makes my day.
perhaps, it's the person behind.

and yea, boyfriends are overrated by now.
fucker! i don't need a name.
i want to be loved, or feel such.

thanks trix.
i know it's simply a bunch of messages,
but hey baby, you're making it...
just don't go that quick as you came that swift
i need you.. and you.. and much of you.. i guess

this is it,
but not just it.

1st day of simbang gabi:
(family day for the 1st pre-dawn mass)
[pick : light red/orange + cream]

i'm with dad muna, while jay's with his family.
ok lang. sabi naman nga ni jays, it should be "from my heart".

wo ai ta (from my heart)!!! is that it? fucker =P

btw, here's some images (@ st. peter's church)

the end.

*yawn*

heh.

>>| lagi mo na lang ako dinededma

2005-12-23T13:58:00.000-08:00

-- rocksteddy's single that might hit this december.. i just heard it yesterday while we're on our way to a shop. i'm teasing mom as i do some rock stuffs, and as the radio plays it, i tried to intone though i don't know it exactly.

"mahal kita... hindi mo alam", that's the only line i could remember as i browse for its lyrics last night. and that was stupid. several songs use that line. heh. yea, it was really stupid of me to look for it, having that particular part i have in mind.

that's a can-relate-song for i-don't-know-who..
and maybe, for that reason, i really have to make an effort knowing it.

opening the IE (again), i added some words that may resembles it. i put in "mahal kita pero hindi mo lang alam".. and then looked through some other blog sites (xanga and blogdrive) for any kismet.

3 sites and boom! haha. i knew i could find it =)
lucky me, so real...

here it goes:

matagal ko ng gustong malaman mo
matagal ko ng itinatago-tago 'to
nahihiyang magsalita
at umuurong aking dila
pwede bang bukas na
ipagpaliban muna natin 'to

dahil kumukuha lang ng tiyempo
upang sabihin sa iyo

mahal kita, pero 'di mo lang alam
mahal kita, pero 'di mo lang ramdam
mahal kita, kahit 'di mo na ako tinitignan
mahal kita, kahit 'di mo lang alam
ohwoh..

matagal ko ng gustong sabihin 'to
matagal ko ng gustong aminin sa'yo
sandali, eto na at sasabihin ko na
ngayon na, mamaya
o baka pwedeng bukas na

dahil kumukuha lang ng buwelo
upang sabihin sa iyo

mahal kita, pero 'di mo lang alam
mahal kita, pero 'di mo lang ramdam
mahal kita, kahit 'di mo na ako tinitignan
mahal kita, pero 'di mo lang alam
ohwoh..

ngunit kumukuha lng ng tiyempo
upang sabihin sa iyo

mahal kita pero hindi mo lang alam
hindi mo alam kasi hindi mo naman ako tinitignan
ayaw mo naman itanong sa akin
kasi baka nga naman hindi naman ikaw
at hindi ko rin naman sayo sasabihin
kasi ayoko pa sa ngayon na manligaw
mahal kita pero hindi nga lang halata
hindi halata kasi wala naman akong ginagawa
hindi ako kumikibo, hindi ako nagsasalita, wala!
pero hindi ako torpe
hindi ko lang talaga masabi sayo ng harapan
mahal kita pero dehins mo pa rin ramdam
hindi mo ko titingnan, hindi rin kita titingnan
lagi mo lang akong pakikiramdaman
lagi rin kitang pakikiramdaman
at araw-araw tayong magdededmahan
hanggang sa tayo ay magkabistuhan
pero ngayong malapit nang matapos ang kanta ko
nais kong magkaalaman na
nais kong ako na rin ang magsabi sayo ng harapan
kasi alam kong dun din naman ang tuloy nyan
at dalawa rin lang naman ang posibleng sagot diyan, oo o hinde
kaya ito na sasabihin ko na para matapos na
at hindi na magkatsismisan pa
sasabihin ko na para wala nang problema
at para hindi na rin kyong lahat nabibitin pa

mahal kita, pero 'di mo lang alam
mahal kita, pero 'di mo lang ramdam
mahal kita, kahit 'di mo na ako tinitignan
mahal kta, kahit lagi mo na lang akong dinededma.

yay =P
that's it!!!
uh, mahal ko siya?
sino?
haha.
i told you, i can relate..

>>| making the non-spam-spot happen

2005-12-20T17:17:00.000-08:00

After seeing several statuses that goes with 12dp link, my interest boosts. Each of them was having their balance, rapidly increasing from time to time. I overlooked it beforehand, keeping in mind that it's the standard spam next to spread out. Weeks, yes not just days, and I've been ignoring those fags. I really don't care about that maybe-another-networking-copy. They have their balance and upgrades, except no cash outs (in hand). So how will I believe in such? And how will they earn the said bucks? But accepting the fact that "Time is Money", how about a try, right? There are several options to choose from. I can start out from the least amount and wait until what goes next.

And this is it. I entered their I-hope-not-a-spam-world @ http://www.12dailypro.com/, reading the General Terms of their Free/ Upgraded accounts and FAQs while having my tardy lunch. Then, I went back again to browse for some more information (facts, indeed) and registered to several tagged sites.

Read.
Think.
Doubt.
Judge.
Consider.
Recur.

(The attributes before conviction)

And tadah... without further ado, at last I'm registered! Just got my newly hot account! But wait, the looped segs will not end there as is. That's merely a registry. I'm not yet through deciding on what to give out. I want to hand over the medium but the progress goes to the advanced. Ugh, I'm all screwed up again by the proposal. I'll decide tomorrow, as the bank opens.

image isn't a spam as well.. hahaha
call me if it is

>>| lift your head, baby don't be scared...

2005-12-18T22:25:00.000-08:00

... of the things that could go wrong along the way. you'll get by, with a smile, you can't win at everything but you can try... hahaha. singing ah? Certainly stucked in my head after hearing it twice while we're on our way home. And yes, I did intone with it.

As for my awareness, landmarks really helps.
(mall of asia and blue wave in baclaran, sm makati in ayala, same goes with petron in pasay road, star mall & shangri-la in edsa, jollibee in fort boni/ guadalupe, rob galleria/ greenhills in ortigas, AFP in cubao, OS/ MZ in malate/ v. cruz, and so on.)

Being me nowadays labels a trekker, considering the fun and its angst. I'm enjoying the whole package even the times we're out of nowhere. And accordingly, my expectations run wild. Setting a higher standard of existence and control, leading into a different environment I want to be settled in, and underrating the usual.

I'm too young to be classic.
Time is for exploration, my dear.
It's for the better understanding of life.

I can no longer stay as is.
Goodbye maybe tomorrow.

>>| epic vs. drama

2005-12-17T18:45:00.000-08:00

It was a friendship that became a secret.

"Brokeback Mountain", featuring Jake Gyllenhall and Heath Ledger for the story of two cowboys and their secretive affection.

There are places we can't return ...
There are lies we have to tell ...
There are truths we can't deny...

And from the survivors of the plane crash 815, Lost actors Josh Holloway and Dominic Monaghan will again subsist in an island for the love of their life in "A Boyfriend for Christmas".

All of them have a secret ...
All of them are Lost ...

>>| palabas nga!

2005-12-17T17:20:00.000-08:00

SPONGECOLA UNA MUSIC VIDEO @ http://youtube.com/watch.php?v=EKvdQGe4QR4
[credits to punkmeister]

my own sc's album

[credits to eihcamhai]
haha. ano daw?

teka, malabo na ba ang mata mo? hindi mo bang makitang dalawa yan? ulul! dalawa talaga yan! repackaged yung isa. sa baba nung cd cover mismo. hahaha. trip ko lang manggago eh. wala akong magawa. damn.

>>| soooo old. heh.

2005-12-14T07:28:00.000-08:00

eihca92skrap no more, i tell you

but it's skrap's birthday so...

just

a

happy 29th birthday jeff

happiness for you and your wife
oh well that's it

can i post something?
sure i can. it's my blog..

haha. can you imagine how i treasure those?
pictures, as well.

will it be that i'm missing you?
i know i shouldn't, though in some cases oo.
fucker yung mga nangyari eh.

i'm a sinner,
you're a sinner,
we're both =)

and so, it's your first birthday with her (your wife).
it's almost a year na rin.
but hey, i'll still be here.

there'll always be a vacant shit for you.

ok now, enough eihca. enough of skrap. heh.
smart & pretty me (than her) eh!

-end of this crap-

>>| the fuck, the fucker, and the fuckest

2005-12-13T10:07:00.000-08:00

My writings nowadays were absurd.
Happenings were just normal and the people who are involved in the story are still them.
Troubles are actually the same, but actually not.
It contradicts in every way and I just let it happen for I'll not be bias for any main.

Pleasure is overrated.
Thus, I can't even discern any difference.
Of them, yes.

Change, I tell you.
The nauseous needs a therapy now.
So sickening, my entry is so lame.

No topics in particular and resembles a poem.
Not even a hundred percent emo for your ego.

Reading this is just as upsetting as is.

Fucker.

You'll never understand.

>>| jesse's born-to-be-day

2005-12-13T00:33:00.000-08:00

happy birthday jesse!
loff you =*

sana ganito ka ka-happy

uh, ayoko ng ganito eh (seryoso, though cute pa rin)

pero eto ung pinaka

mr. senglot!
heh =P

>>| a blunt question and a solid good shit

2005-12-11T22:05:00.000-08:00

there isn't just one person for one of us,
but hey baby, can you be the one for me?

kiss me before we ran out of chances

then let's get pissed and watch porn
(LOL)

just kiss me instead

>>| When morning comes...

2005-12-11T15:54:00.000-08:00

I've been so passive, so pathetic.
Unconcerned and not fragile,
Possessively inclined, but not overrated.

Easy, Rest, Break
Much to enjoy...

That's what you call "ME", four months earlier.

But last night, I used this line as my status (in YM, of course)
"I'm here, waiting for you, to break my heart =) kaya mo?"

For that instance, I felt unaccompanied
Like I'm on my own with no one to love or even touch
Getting weak, damn cold, I needed a hug or more (of it, I guess)

And what's more is how "I MISS HIM" (the real one and not any fancy or fling)

It was just yesterday that I felt that way

Unloved
Needed love
In-love

Yes, at last, I realized that I love him
Although its mixed with pathetical ideas

Thinking of all the shits I've done
Thinking it's too late for that realization
Thinking he's almost gone (even without the official "the end")

Expectations gone as is
There's nothing pending

Until its 10 o'clock and he called

Made me glad
Made me feel at ease (again)
Made me loved

Now, its not the typical talk anymore
We're still awake at 3

Keeping it
Saving it
Loving it

And so,
I'm done with the other side of me
Forgetting the pain, way over

There's another life, in love, as morning comes

After 4 months
I could feel it now

Your dorky presence and you.

>>| lurve issue (in my friendster bboard)

2005-12-10T12:57:00.000-08:00

1. Which is more important for you in a relationship: Love or Trust?
* love goes first =X

2. The person u love or the person who loves you?
* uh, the person who loves me... or should i collide?

3. Short or long courtship?
* it can be without (as what yel have in mind)

4. Which is easier for you: to forgive or to forget?
* to forgive

5. Do you agree that once you've loved a person uwould never stop loving her/him?
* in my case, no.

6. Should one stay in a relationship just for oldtime sake?
* some does that or did i? =) well, it can be a yes or no.. haha

7. what do you think is the common cause ofbreak up?
* another party (not just the third ah)

8. Is there really a need for second chances?
* not in all times

9. TINGIN MO BA PWEDE KANG MAGMAHALNG IBA?
* hindi naman mapipigil yun eh. we have the right to love =X

10. NAGMAHAL KA NA BA?
* a stupid question ah? sure does.

11. SWEET KA BA?
* sa mga ka-close ko yes.. do i have to explain?

12. MATIGAS BA ULO MO PAG INLOVE?
* in what terms? (questioning a question.. haha)

13 TINGIN MO ANO DAPAT GAMITIN PUSO OUTAK?
* what comes first (head or heart)? head right.. pero ang english ng utak eh brain.. so how is that?

14. DAPAT BA MAS MAHAL MO O MAHAL KA?
* mas mahal ako =)

15. NASAKTAN KA NA BA?
* sure does.

16 NAKARECOVER KA BA AGAD?
* yeppy, with friends and events.

17. TRY MO NG UMIYAK NG DAHIL SA LOVE?
* much lament. angst!

18. ANONG PINAKASWEET NA GINAWA NIYAPARA SA YO?
* everytime he sings (with that looks ah)..

19. KUNG MAY KANTA KA NGAYON TUNGKOLSA LOVELIFE MO, ANO YON?
* 'hiling' or 'collide' will do =) and uh, panaginip lang of paramita

20. ANONG PINAKA MAHIRAP NA KAILANGANPAG DAANAN PAG NAGMAMAHALAN?
* fading instances due to time

21. GUMANTI KA NA BA NUNG NASAKTAN KA?
* revenge is sweet

22. MAY NAGMAMAHAL BA SAYO NGAYON?PUWERA PAMILYA HA?!
* marami. haha. and yea, i love them =X

23. ARE YOU SURE NA MAHAL KA DIN NIYA?
* beyond doubt, yes

>>| gone lost

2005-12-10T02:57:00.000-08:00

from manila dj club, back to cavite...
wow. i'm finally home @ 1am =)
8 hours with irene, we've been lost nga ba?
yey! may ticket na kami sa r&j!

heh.

thanks trix (sa pagtawid? jaywalking eh)

2:30am na, i'm done with this..
i'm so drained..
rest me.. hahaha.. ano daw?

;)

and this is it

>>| you're smile is gently freezing...

2005-12-08T03:25:00.000-08:00

It's already 12:56am and this is relaxing. I'm finally in my place (on the pc to be exact) with the tracks that plays for almost a hundredth time. Everything is back as is as I dredge up all those occurrences happened, hours (by hours) ago.

I'm about to leave at 10:30am, half an hour early for our 1st class. Till the phone rang and...
"Hey, it's me Jovie... remember?"
"Uh, yeppy... you need something?"
"Oh, are you in hurry? I just wanted to talk to you, after 8 years of..."
"Wow, you still know my number ah?"
"Sure does... how's life? Graduating ka na right?"
"Hopefully, yes"
"You still have that voice from the past... you know? It's still innocently sweet but actually not"
"I don't know where you catch those words but it does awakes me"

The call ended up before my class starts. Thanks God I'm not late, however, it certainly grip my mind for the whole hour. A piece from the past keeps on rotating though it's stagnant. And his façade was blurring inside. After eight years, he finally called and said those lines I need at present. Should I be pleased that someone remembered? Btw, he's my first boyfriend in grade school.

Then, the news alarmed 10 minutes before 1 o'clock; There'll be no classes for our last subject. Wow. That was sharp. But we still left the room 10 minutes after, and had our habit outside. I saw James waiting there for a ride. I walk in without expecting him to call out, but he did... yea he did yell out my name that I leaned back to give him my warm smile. That's the second "J" to buzz me.

Next up. Home.
Switch of dress code and so.

Got back at the camp at 1pm. My girl friends were still having their lunch so I decided to warm up outside. The cig was burning in average as JM hits me with a kiss on my forehead.
"Yosi girl..."
"Haha. I'm done baby"
"Calling me baby ha ate?"
As our hands clasped and went inside the store.
"Wow... hell of a playboy chief ah"
"Girl, what's with the sinned hand"
"Fools that keeps on fooling... haha... What's wrong with it?"
"Soooo defensive?"
"Have you seen Jice?"
"Not yet"
"Well, he's already waiting for you outside"
"Absorbing the pain you will give him later upon seeing JM"
"Lament oh lament...Hahaha... I have to go na pala"
"Hold on a sec" JM whispered... he gave me a warm embrace and kissed me again. "I love you hon, Ingat ha". Embracing him back, I just smiled for it was the third buzz I'll be having.

Jice stood there for an hour and I'm sooo late but I think it's still okay for he truly understands... well, he constantly does, and will always be. And so, we spent the other 8 hours together, exhibiting what's more to be seen. For all times, his approach never failed. He's willing to help and be that "someone" around. He even tried to smoke again, once I did. I can't feel him though I'm pleased to have him as a friend, or perhaps, a suitor behind.
"Can I walk you home?"
"Maybe some other time..."
"Ok... Uh, I'll still be in the line, waiting"
"Thanks"

"He's my 4th buzz", I told myself as I walk through the blocks and suddenly got a message from JM.

"Hi hon... I miss you."
"Hey... I just got home. I'm running out of credits na. Give me a call after a min"

And as soon as I entered my room, the phone rang and it was Jobert, my "boyfriend". At last, he remembered. It's such a miracle happened, I can clearly hear the 5th buzz on the phone.
"Oh what makes you so busy?"
"Huh? Who's this?"
"Who else do you expect to call you?"
"Ah... oh... Why?"
"What time ka umuwi?"
"I just got home"
"Sige, I'm going there"
"But it's late at 9..."
"So, ayaw mo?"
"Can you make it in a lower tone?"
"What?"
"Double time your world... sige na, I'll be waiting inside"
A quick call that ends up so nonsense, oh I don't know... we always have that typical talk as friends do. Well, we're much of a "tropa" than being "committed". And it's really something to bother me at all times.

Then, the phone rang again and I assume its JM. We talked for some point until Jobert came. I have to hang it up before Jobert acts oddly.
"Khei's outside eh, can you call me later?"
"Uh, let's go out tomorrow..."
"Ok. I'll see you up after lunch."

I didn't bring out my guitar. I wanted a talk that'll set the outside world with much attention. And it started in a different way, not what I presume.
"Tell me the truth, sinong kasama mo kanina?"
"I went there alone, why are you questioning me?"
"Nakita ka ng tropa eh"
"You're not the one who has seen it right?"
"Just tell me the truth"
"That's the truth. I'm with no one ok."
So, I lied in every question he asked even if there's a basis. But I'm considering it as a white lie, for it's not that cruel, in my means. I just had the fucking nerve to lie over and over. Until he was calmed and almost believed in the damn things I said.

It was cold beyond and he was looking for a hug, the calming pressure made him to initial but I moved...
"What?"
"It's just a hug... look, I miss you"
"Wow. You do?"
"Hehe. Yea... Happy 4 months princess"
"4 months? I thought it's only a week"
"Haha... apat na buwan na tayo"
"Nasaan yung buwan?"
Err... the air turned me as cold as it is. That moment, it's like everything is erased from my memory. I can't even sense any love (for him). My mind merely sets to think of what will be the outcome of that talk. I want to break through. I want him no more. I want to escape from the reality that he still owns me, though "own" does not mean "authority", and so-so.

It turned 12 in the midnight...
"It's getting cold, you're supposed to get a rest inside"
"You know what? You can go now without those alibis if you want to"
"It's really getting cold..."
"Just leave."
"Ok. I'm going."

He closed the door while I'm glued on the bench. I didn't even glance. I don't care at all.

"Didn't mean to hurt you badly.. Don't think that I am fooling around with you.. So sorry for the time you've wasted on me.. So sorry for the things that you went through.. But I know that the problem's within me.. You're so nice but your love don't deserve me.. Or maybe I'm just so scared to fall in love again.." The music played and it speaks about something. And the lines, "Don't say goodbye, I need some time for a while before I give my heart away", that lines were beginning to stick up.

Angst.

Until, there's another call awaited in line for that same night. It's Jayson, an unforgotten dork I loved (or still?).
"Kumski!"
"Yep?"
"Gawa mo?"
"Nagsesenti..."
"Got a fight from the lion?"
"He's really a psychotic nerd"
Time elapses as I keep on talking. I can't stand the pain I felt (from my boyfriend). Jayson becomes the outlet of my grief. He had the funniest gag to poke me, making the pessimistic me to be the optimistic me. All me eh?

"Andito naman kasi ako, tatanga tanga ka pa"
"Haha. Excuse you!"
"Bright Girl ka sana eh"
"Pungik!"
"What's that term?"
"It defines YOU"
"haha. Ano nga yun? Pun-gik?"
"Uh, maliit.. parang ikaw"
"Parang ikaw hindi? Matangkad pa kaya ako sa'yo"
"Pero you are too small for a male height what-so-ever"
"Eh hindi yun maliit"
"Tae bastos ka nanaman"
"Hindi ako nakahubad"
"Grrrr..."
"Hahaha"

(sniff)

"Alam mo ang angas mo rin talaga"
"Bakit nanaman?"
"Wala naman.. Actually napasaya mo ko"
"At all times naman right?"
"Ganda ng banat mo eh"

(sniff again)

"May gusto akong sabihin"
"Ano?"
"Yun"
"Alin?"
"Nasabi ko na nga eh"
"Ang labo mo kaya"

(last sniff)

"What time is it?"
"12:30"
"Tanginang 12:30 yan, static na"
"Hahahaha"
"Pag 12:40 tayo na"
"Eh 12:50 na nga eh"
"Aww.. Edi tayo na"
"Hahaha. Is that a comeback?"
"Mahal..."
"Hahaha. Bakit mura?"
"Hahaha sige yan ang tawagan natin"
"Err.. that was just a joke"

That was fun and sweet. But he was funnier and sweeter. With me, that turned out to be the funniest and the sweetest.

Guess he's the 6th buzz and the last.

Now, I'm done =)
(after 2 hours of writing and reminiscing)

>>| "What did the snowman say to the other snowman?"

2005-12-07T09:01:00.000-08:00

Awaken by a cold breeze, who would have not imagined it isn't December yet?

That though there'll be no snowballs in this territory, our aerial domain is in a similar way filled by frost. The air of Christmas is here, almost. And I love its space, this feeling, and events like...

Various decorations were placed in sites (while some clubs are set in their ways even if it's not Christmas)
Nine days crowd for the Catholic tradition Simbang Gabi (actually, a pre-dawn mass)
Favorite attractions like Bibingka and Puto-bumbong are associated with the pre-dawn mass
There's a room for Christmas flicks (I mostly like the romantic comedy films than the comedy as is)
Kids were grouped for their Christmas Carols to be heard every night
Fruitcakes are available in the Cake Shops (and other non-cake shops? ok, that's a food shop or a street store. haha)
Several gifts and greeting cards were early mailed
Two to three weeks of school-holiday (there's no classes.. I'm soooo vacant)

Geez... who'll not love the idea?

However, it will end as soon as Christmas is over
For it's not forever (like us)
But it'll happen every year (not like us? Haha)

*sneeze*

Oh well, I don't really have anything to broaden up
I just want to write my early blog =)

belated happy birthday ~ addie and pau

happy birthday~ che and jhu

adv happy birthday ~ joms and ma

and uh happy 4th to you... though it's not really a happy what-so-ever

>>| wow.

2005-12-06T23:14:00.000-08:00

A copy of Ultraelectromagneticjam (Eraserheads Tribute Album) makes my day.

Mainggit ka kums! Hahaha *poke you*

The 17-tracks Tribute includes: Alapaap (6 Cycle Mind), Magasin (Paolo Santos), Spoliarium (Imago), Overdrive (Barbie Almalbis), With A Smile (South Border), Tikman (Sugarfree), Ligaya (Kitchie Nadal), Torpedo (Isha), Superproxy2K6 (Francis M.), Huwag Kang Matakot (Orange And Lemons), Pare Ko (Spongecola), Huwag Mo Nang Itanong (MYMP), Hard To Believe (Cueshe), Alcohol (Radioactive Sago Project), Maling Akala (Brownman Revival), Ang Huling El Bimbo (Rico J. Puno), Para Sa Masa (Various Artists)

It's a well done set though it cannot hit every person.

Some (or most?) merely over judge it, having their tactless front and whatnots. Damn... That's more disappointing than what they have to say for each band that performed. The compilation isn't a crap at all. Hell yea. I just heard it and it sounds reasonable. Good enough for a tribute, yea it's a tribute so don't expect that each of them will perform as same as the Eheads do.

Well, it isn't an Ehead-match-o-challenge for them to compete for. The bands have their own way, their own name, and their own effort to play their part. As well as you are not asked to award them right? So can you just respect them even if you are so unmoved? React righteously for there's nothing to cut you upon doing it. And hey, it's not a damn errand for you to shit me.

This entry looks different from all other existing bad shits =)
And that means....... I could step down to rest...

nyts jesse.
nyts jay.
nyts jeff.
nyts jobert.
nyts jan-jan.
nyts jam.
nyts joan.
nyts joyce.
nyts jeison.

and uh... nyts jedi(haha... nearly "J"?)

>>| para sa mga squatters

2005-12-05T23:58:00.000-08:00

...or should I say "Helping the road families this Christmas?"

Our school organization decided to have certain donations for such inhabitants since Christmas is almost here...

Oopps... This should be a Tagalog entry...
title says "Para sa mga squatters"

*shut*

Hindi ko alam kung sino yung gagong officer na nag-suggest na yung mga squatters na yan ang tulungan namin at kung sino yung nag-approve nung idea na yun eh. Hindi sa ayokong tumulong o sa may galit lang ako sa mga squatters. Ang weak lang kasi nung suggestion kung bakit sila yung napili at hindi yung mas nangangailangan.

"Next week na kailangan yung toothpaste and toothbrush"
"Sus"
"Bakit?"
"Bakit? Bakit sa kanila?"
"Christmas eh"
"So?"
"Kailangan nating tumulong..."
"Kahit hindi Christmas pwede tayong tumulong diba?"
"Oo nga... pero lalo na pag Christmas"
"Oh? Eh bakit sa mga squatters?"
"Para sumaya sila ngayong Christmas. Hehe"
"Yun na yun?"
"Oo... teka bakit ba ang dami mong tanong ah?"
"Nakakainis kasi"
"Naiinis kang tumulong?"
"Sa kanila oo"

Eh bakit ba sa mga squatters lang sa area namin na wala namang maitutulong? At sino bang hindi maiinis na tumulong sa mga yan na wala namang ginagawa sa community kung hindi magparami, manglimos, pumatay, magnakaw, at mangabuso?

"Nakabili ka na?"
"Yep"
"Oh? May Sale ba?"
"Sobrang bargain kaya"
"Saan?"
"Sa tiangge... hahahaha"
"Haha. Samahan mo rin ako mamaya ah?"

Ngayon, sinong gaganahan bumili ng high quality materials para sa mga yun? Kahit nga yata yung medium brands eh hindi mo pa rin maibibigay. Sapilitan ka na lang na magbibigay eh, bakit kailangang yung mahal pa na sa kanila lang naman mapupunta diba?

"Class, next week na yung canned goods........."

Heh. At meron pa ulit ah? Kaya hindi makuntento yang mga yan eh. Puro asa na lang kasi ang alam. Ano pa nga bang ieexpect ko? Wala ngang alam eh! Ayy teka, meron pala... ang gumawa ng krimen at makipag-sex sa kapwa squatter nila. Dun sila magaling eh. Skill ba? Astig yung talent nila diba? Gago! Hindi astig yung tawag dun! Kalaswaan at kabobohan yun! Isipin mo, nung year 2002, 3.4 million ang squatters sa Pilipinas. Ano pa ngayong 2005 at parating na 2006? Lalo pa silang dadami at ikakalat ang mababahong pagkatao nila.

"Gusto ko ng noodles"
"Para sa mga squatters?"
"Hindi eh"
"Bakit ano bang ibibigay mo sa mga yun? Sardines"
"Why not?"

Mabaho na nga, lalo pang babaho. Haha. Nakakagago talaga. Squatters na nga sila tapos sardines pa yung matatanggap nila. Wow fish! Hahahaha. At magrereklamo pa, imbes magpasalamat kahit na binigyan mo.

Ang dami pa naman kasing pwedeng tulungan eh. Marami pang options. Marami pang alternatives. Nakakaasar lang talaga kung bakit ganoon na lang yung pagpili ng pwedeng tulungan. Ah isa pa, hindi lang naman yun ang pagtulong ah. Marami pa ring paraan.

Oh yan, tatapusin ko na kahit marami pa akong gustong ilagay. Mas kailangan kong mag-aral kaysa pag-tuunan ng pansin yung ganitong bagay. Gusto ko lang mag-react. Wala namang masama dito sa entry ko. Dahil kung meron man... baka tinamaan ka lang ;)

>>| wow. the throwing muse had a new layout

2005-12-05T00:11:00.000-08:00

meeeeeeeeep.. haha. my new layout doesn't suck that much, right?
guess i had the right inspiration (that made this possible? oh yea.. thanks)
btw, that's kate and sawyer epitomizing infatuation.

gnyt jesse. thanks for the recent IM's... and the"ingat"...

ok that's it. it's dawn and i'm soooooo drained.

i love g4
(with ic)
heh
=)

>>| got a new message in friendster.. read it mehn

2005-12-01T10:51:00.000-08:00

Princess juLy wrote: [1]
can u add me up... hi im very curious lang about you and fatal db kaw ung tumatwag na pare q sa kanya and then wat happen i know naging kau ni fatal i am ryt? mail me bak and thnx
> july

******************
My reply: [1]
it might be silly adding you up for your curiosity. but hey, i'm not being mean here. it's just that, what it is to snoop for with my profile? is it for you to be able to see the unseen? why don't you use fatal's account to fully view my page? now, that's an idea you could imply.

hell how dork i am to act so damn snobby in my message but i just can't react unassumingly. it's just that.. if you like him, just tell it directly (to fatal) and dont even try to bother other people's life.

up to when you guys will unlock your mentality about love? when will you be aware of how the time elapses once we have an alternative... and yea, it is a damn gift of God for us to move on (mostly, when we fall). for it isnt about finding the loop holes from our past that is so over and done. now isn’t yesterday its about the present of what will bump and exist.

damn im just fed up with this crossly heart's catastrophe.

******************
Princess juLy wrote: [2]
im sorry i did not mean anything about it before kc i just saw ur testimonial with fatal sweet nyo kc dun kala q nga kau parin and lately i just open my frndster and saw a new gf of fatal nagulat ako thats why i write you.. Im sorry kung nag iba ung naging tingin mo sa sulat ko ha.. d ko tlga sinsadya un.. im sorry tlga..

we can be frndz ryt..

write me back and God Bless

thnx

******************
My reply: [2]
erm. what the hell is that?

and uh, harshly speaking, your message is so annoying. yea, it really does.. particularly, the syntax used. oh well, i'm not having any lectures... my sensitivity merely had its confines.. much headache ne?!

just piss me off, will you?! don't act so kind or innocent. it's not cute in any case.. damn witty message.. you thought its appealing? well, it's more of a trash!

crappppppppp......

fatal don't even know you, so don't give a damn about us.. for it's not even your business! and what we had or have isn't a BIG DEAL after all.

you are mentally absorbed at your age..

get a life =/

******************

look, she's 25 and that's how insanity cracks her.
(she's 6 years older than me eh)

now, could somebody tell me...
am i too cruel about it?

hey, i'm just sweet *laughs* and yea... mad (almost)
[4e8i1h5c1a6m2h3a4i2.lost]

>>| the object of her affection

2005-11-30T20:57:00.000-08:00

The succeeding lines will be pathetic enough to break you through.

I don't know you, but I love you anyway
I can't see you, but I hope you're here to stay
I don't know you, but I need you here with me
Cause I'm falling down, falling down

*lament*

Guess I had another heart's catastrophe...

Can you imagine how your blurry façade still parks up even for a modest count? Wow. I just had a quick bunk entry that talks about our yesterday's upshot eh!

I'm visiting your site later =)
I'm really missing you (though wala akong ibabato.. heh)

But perhaps, these titles will do:
1. Angel.
2. Lover.
3. Girlfriend.

=)

There's no need to hunch,
Just learn by your heart.

>>| magsisimbang gabi kami!

2005-11-28T13:30:00.000-08:00

*sings*

excited na ako syempre dahil sa'yo
kasama na naman kita hanggang sa mag-umaga
simbang gabi, simbang gabi (magsisimbang gabi kami)

simbang gabi, simbang gabi (magsisimbang gabi kami)

*puffs*

aww.. malapit na ang pasko! haha. tagalog eh. PASKO!!!!!! hahahaha. mas ok ang pasko pag may kasama ka. pag kompleto kayo ng pamilya mo, kasama mo ang barkada, o kaya mas matindi e pag kasama mo yung taong nagpapasaya sa'yo.. yung taong mahal mo.

"last year sinong kasama mo nung simbang gabi?"
"ako lang."
"oh ikaw lang mag-isa?"
"oo."
"bakit?"
"burden kaya ang may kasama. antayan pa lang badtrip na. tapos hindi ka pa makakapagconcentrate."
"nakakatuwa ka rin naman eh. minsan religious ka, minsan naman matalino ka, minsan matino ka..."
"oo ganun talaga ako"
"teka hindi pa ko tapos. lahat yun minsan lang."
"hindi kaya!"
"haha. minsan lang nga."
"ui sa 16 ah.."
"oh kala ko ba burden yun? "
"hindi. iba yun. basta pag magsisimba tayo dapat from the heart, ayy from your heart"
"ewan. anong pinagkaiba nun?"
"basta from your heart saka from the heart"
"oo na. sige na matutulog na ko. anong oras na!"
"bakit?"
"bakit ano?"
"bakit.... bakit nga ba kita pinipigilan?"
"haha sige na bye"
"bye.."

ayos! yan yung conversation namin nung 25th (last friday, one month to go before christmas). tamang pinagplanuhan na diba?! ang saya nun! kasama mo ang mahal mo bago pa lang mag-pasko. eh paano pag hindi mo mahal yung kasama mo?

"shit. magkausap kami kagabi."
"nino?"
"ng mahal ko. LOL. haha."
"haha. mahal?.. ah si ano?"
"oo siya. ayun magsisimbang gabi kami (singing tone)"
"haha. parokya.. eh teka paano si.."
"edi magsimba siya mag-isa. o kaya magsama siya ng iba. bakit hindi ba siya makakapagsimba ng wala ako?"
"speaking of.. ayun oh!"
"tae. hindi naman siya ang hinahanap ko"
"haha. destined kayo magkita ngayon!"
"pasok na nga tayo!"
"teka, ayaw mo antayin?"
"grr.."

wow eh. hindi mo gusto makita, pero yun ang nakita mo. hindi yun ang hinahanap mo, pero yun ang andyan para sa'yo. ganoon talaga yung feeling kapag hindi mo mahal yung isang tao. hanggat pwede mong iwasan, iiwas ka. pero ang hirap din naman nilang iwanan, hindi dahil sa magpapasko. mahirap, kasi makakasakit ka. bakit ngayon ba sa tingin mo hindi sila nasasaktan sa ginagawa mo?

ako kasi, alam kong nakakasakit ako ng ibang tao. lahat nung pag-iwas ko, yung pagwawalang bahala ko sa kanya.. alam ko nasasaktan ko siya sa lahat ng yun. hindi ako manhid. alam ko yung mga panggagago ko. pero hindi ko pa rin kasalanan eh. bakit kamo? wala naman kasi siyang ginagawa para mahalin ko siya. kung may effort man siya, kulang pa eh. pinilit ko namang makaramdam ng kahit konting magic samin eh, pero kahit spark kasi wala. kaya nga nakipagbreak ako. pero ayaw niya ako i-let go. so anong gagawin ko? ipipilit ko na wala na kaming pag-asa? edi ayun.. sabi ko, sige isa pa. ayan may chance pa ulit. pero hanggang ngayon wala pa rin eh. 4 months na kami at wala pa rin akong maramdaman, kaya hindi ko kasalanan kung may iba ako. at yung iba na yun ang nagpapasaya sakin.

"samahan mo ko mag-sm"
"huh? pupunta ako sa kanila mamaya"
"eh gagawin ka lang nung slave"
"ewan sayo.."
"dito ka na lang magpunta"
"hindi pwede."
"bakit?"
"naka-oo na ko kagabi sa kanya"
"samahan mo na lang ako, mas masaya ka naman sakin ah"
"haha. paano mo naman nalaman?"
"kung tatlo kayo sa isang bangka sinong pipiliin mo, yung taong mahal ka o kung san ka masaya?"
"lol. kakornihan mo nanaman"
"sa text kaya yun!"
"oo mushy mushy.. tae ang korni mo talaga"
"hahaha.. oh ano sama ka na sakin?"
"hindi talaga."

umiiwas din naman ako minsan eh. umiiwas ako na masaktan ko siya. na kahit gusto kong mas makasama yung taong gusto ko talaga makasama, naiisip ko pa rin siya. kasi mali. kasi kami pa. taena naman kasi. bakit ba kami pa? o bakit ba naging kami pa?

at sino nga bang pipiliin ko? yung taong mahal ako pero hindi ko maramdaman? o dun ako sa taong mahal ko at pinapasaya ako? nakakagago yung tanong pero yun kasi yung nangyayari eh.

*sings*

"......Nandito lang ako maghihintay, Lagi mong tatandaan"

>>| a puff a day keeps your partner away (aww.. that’s sweet)

2005-11-24T17:15:00.000-08:00

Lament people, lament.

I didn't catch up my one o'clock class just because of my rubbish hobby. Darn! That is sooo horrible! I'm taking so much pleasure that I didn't come to discern the undertakings.

But anyways, it's already done.
The previous fault happened.

*puffs*

There's no remedy for now, but maybe I could deal with it next week.

>>| food trippin' mix-ups

2005-11-23T19:11:00.000-08:00

*yum*

got a popcorn and a peanut butter here. it can be a match, i tell you =P wanna join?

>>| i'm calm most of the time, but when i'm pissed, i'm pissed.

2005-11-21T16:55:00.000-08:00

I just got home, and yea it's too early that I didn't even hang around the camp and puff a single cig (given the chance and the horrible mood). And it's so seldom that I have this type of front, but certainly, even without its daily visibility, it's in my individuality... it's still ME. Soooo ME! *shut* And as soon as I enter our house, I walked-in towards my room to reflect of what have really happened. Unquestionably, I'm mad and helpless through that point. The acts of confronting were being overstated, but only in my imaginative mind. I'm going nuts and I just want to stroke any idea I projected. But even if I state the entire basis, I'm still not sure if I could win the case. Since letting go of something or someone without any struggle does not imply weakness, inconsistently.

There's much more for me than what you have taken! Curse you!
[ Deymn.. Nice one! I love that line!! =) makes me refreshed! *whew* I think I won't be needing the alcohol now... haha. Do I have to call it off with no bona fide? Hell of nonsensicality here. ]

Talking about them; the Others (but not from Lost), will be the substance of this entry.
*warps back*

The others don't really know me. They only act as if they were. In fact, their sense and shout-outs about me is not what I really am after all. They don't even know the 10% of ME. Imagine? So where did those impressions come up, when they could only sense is just the floating point of 0.001 or less of my dorky presence?

mydorkyFRIEND : oh san ka galing?
theverydorkyME : sa washroom. *raised eyebrow* oh you're with "Ims"?
mydorkyFRIEND : *laughs* hindi ah. Tinanong niya ko kaya ko kinausap.
theverydorkyME : sus.
mydorkyFRIEND : hindi mo itatanong kung ano?
theverydorkyME : oh well, shoot it.
mydorkyFRIEND : Tinatanong kung kayo pa ni "J"...
theverydorkyME : haha. sino sa "J" ko...
mydorkyFRIEND : hambog!
theverydorkyME : oh ano nga?
mydorkyFRIEND : yun nga rin yung tinanong ko eh *laughs*
theverydorkyME : *laughs* then? Anong reaction niya? Nakuba siya sa tanong mo?
mydorkyFRIEND : Oo. Marami ka pa rin daw kinakarir. Tapos ang dami pang tinanong. Tumahimik na lang ako. Ano yun Interview o Graded Recitation?
theverydorkyME : eh.. do I know her?
mydorkyFRIEND : haha. oo kilala mo yun. pero siya, hindi ka niya kilala. ni hindi niya alam kung sino ka talaga. Ang gago niya rin naman at sa akin pa siya nagtanong. Though alam niyang close tayo, hindi niya naman naisip na malalaman mo yung kagaguhan niya.
theverydorkyME : teka, you do?
mydorkyFRIEND : malamang kilala kita!
theverydorkyME : sige, paano??
mydorkyFRIEND : tara yosi...
theverydorkyME : haha. hindi ka nga OTHERS =P tae ka!

...that conversation with my not-so-dorky-buddy gives the gist. She knows not only my smoking stances, or my history of love-affairs and whatnots, that lad knows me from within. However, this lad doesn't know me exactly, but maybe about 10-20% of what I really am. *smug* It’s 10-20% higher than what the Others assume. Lol! Whopping difference eh?!

And as right as I fuckin' believe,
I'm not perfect, but I know I'm smart.
As well as I'm confident and have my OWN IDENTITY.

BOGUS,
I have some crap for you:
[1] Don't try so hard to become ME (for that would never happen!)
[2] Put up your own mask and stop doubling-up what you can't imitate (aww... trying hard eh?)
[3] Impersonating takes much expertise and it should be impressive enough (bear that in mind, if you have.. heh)

You get it?

Plus here's a swift note...
GET A LIFE!
YOU CAN NEVER BE ME!
THE TERM LOSER DOES ONLY APPLY TO YOU
DAMN YOU IMS!
FIND FOR YOURSELF!!!
(........time starts now!!)

L.O.L.

Oh well. It would fit much better now =)
I suppose, I'll just have to screw the Others.

*yawn*

I love this entry.
It makes me so dedicated.

Anyways, got a black-and-red nail buff ups =) I'm to repaint them next week with a more gripping tint to shit them off (again)

DARN! I AM SO NICE! =)

>>| fixating-in with the soft-femme

2005-11-19T12:00:00.000-08:00

*my bum is on the cheese, my bum is on the cheese! if i get lucky, i'll get a disease!!*

hehe.. you are really freakin' me out now....but i do love that song

*starts singing the bum-bum song (again)*

>>| not from some unknown person

2005-11-15T11:55:00.000-08:00

i walked off to a privately public place this afternoon. i think 20 (or less) adults yung nandun. and i consider them as adults, kasi obviously nasa 10 years (or more) ang age gap namin.

i was just evenly sitting on the sofa and waiting for a hired hand to handle me. sobrang mind-numbing nung spot ko nun, at feeling ko long-drawn-out talaga magstay dun. pero i can't call off na lang ng basta kaya i have to delay leaving that place.

then, may nag-on nung radio.

omfg! may amusement na ko.

taking the music in makes my mood again. ayos! buti na lang astig yung napili nilang station, at hindi yung songs from their era. hehe.

mas ayos na sana eh.. distraction nga lang yung isa dun.

hala react! free naman tayong magreact eh.

pero tahimik lang akong nakinig sa kanta saka dun sa matandang mas malakas pa yung volume. malapit na yung time ko eh. malapit na kong umalis dun sa site na yun. err! ilang minutes na lang ako na.........

pero bago yun, nagsalita yung isang matabang babae na bagong dating. nagkwento lang tungkol sa pagiging babae niya. tapos maya-maya yung bakla naman ang nagsalita. nagbigay pa ng joke na tinawanan nila without knowing it's meaning. gago diba?! tumawa sila kahit hindi nila alam yung sinabi nung bakla. tumawa lang sila dahil alam nilang nakakatawa yun. ni hindi nila alam kung nilalait na ba sila o kung pinagtatawanan na nila mismo yung mga sarili nila. nakakatuwa silang panoorin eh, ang stupid nila tignan kahit mukha naman silang well-educated creatures. haha. another amusement ko ba? siguro nga. inaantok na kasi ako nun eh.

.........................................blag!!!

(shit! my receiver splits up!)

"ayy nahulog yung CP mo"
"tsk tsk"
"ayan nagkalas"
"nahulog yung CP niya"
"nawasak yun malamang"
"tumayo ka na para pulutin"
"oo nga"
"kunin mo agad"
"ang lakas nung pagkakabagsak nun ah"
"sira yun malamang"
"napunta dun yung isang part"
"hindi. dumi yan. ayun yung CP nya"
"meron pa dun sa kabilang side oh"

and blah blah blah! seems like lahat na nga ng expression pag may nahulog or nasira eh narinig ko dun. still, tahimik lang ako. wala akong binigkas na kahit anong mura nung nahulog yun. nagulat din naman ako eh, pero hindi ako nag over act. hindi naman totally na nasira eh, bumagsak lang. at kung masira man, edi ipagawa o bumili ng bago. ang simple diba? kaya nga calmed pa rin ako na kinuha yun eh. ibang iba sa kanila. pero wala rin namang mali sa ginawa nila eh. though wala rin akong sinasabing tama yun. may right naman kasi sila magreact eh.

kahit naman ako eh, kung sinagot ko sila that moment dahil na-annoyed ako, right ko rin yun! hindi tama na gawin ko pero hindi rin mali. bakit ano bang naitulong ng mga naging reactions and opinions nila?

ang hirap kasi, mahilig tayong makielam sa maraming bagay. inaabuso natin yung rights na yan. sinasanay nating laging magbigay ng opinion kahit hindi naman hinihingi o kailangan.

this fuckining opinions is fine if it is needed, as well as if it is logical.

for instance, dun sa mga school works ko.. i do call for our advisers assistance for our thesis para sa quality nung docu & system namin through the preparation, development, and completion nung study. kailangan namin ng related ideas, reviews, and critics para mas mapaganda yun.

as well as, when i purchase several items sa mall at may salesman/saleslady na mag-ooffer sa akin ng ibang brand. i-ignore ko man sila o hindi, job nilang kausapin ako at magbigay ng positive statements about it. hindi ko man hingin yung side nila, ok lang na magsalita sila ng magsalita. rational kasi yun eh.

and how does it become distinctive?

mostly, ito yung mga reactions natin na walang sense kung minsan. like on how we advise sa mga friends natin sa mga situations nilang to some extent nonsensical din.

"shit ano bang irereply ko?"
"wag ka na kaya magreply?"
"o kaya wag mo na lang sabihin yung totoo"
"tae.. ano naming sasabihin ko?"
"mamaya kami magkikita. may papasabi ka?"
"tapos gaguhin mo"
"haha. gago"
"gago ka rin. tayo ang nag-gagaguhan eh"
"nakakainis naman eh. ang unfair."
"oh unfair? may iba ka pa rin naman diba? edi yun enjoy ka lang"
"oo nga. enjoy lang. tapos magreply ka jan sa katext mo para tumigil ka na"
"nagreply na ko!"
"anong sinabi mo?"
"edi yung sinabi nyo"
"oh? ano bang sinabi ko?"
"edi yung naunang matino"
"fuck.. matino pala yun."

yan yung conversation namin kanina ng group ko. ang labo pero may idea. we are free to express what we have in mind, kahit unpleasant terms pa yung gamitin namin or what-so-ever. humingi siya ng opinion kaya kami nagreact. pero ang illogical pa rin kasi puro kagaguhan lang naman yung sinabi namin. pwedeng gumulo lalo or umayos yung situation niya dahil lang sa simpleng message na yun eh. pero kahit anong sabihin namin, nasa kanya pa rin yung decision.

gaya nung pagtahimik na ginawa ko kanina nung nag-split up ang receiver ko, yun ang decision ko. i prefer not to say anything dahil wala namang maitutulong yun to fasten my receiver back to what it is before. hindi lang porket may rights tayo to express ourselves at mag-react eh lagi na lang natin yun gagamitin kahit nakaka- aggravate tayo ng ibang tao. yung ibang tao kasi na yun eh may rights din.

and that is the right for privacy and to live.

that adults should discern it. alam ko namang educated sila eh. wala naman sila dun kung hindi. pero yung pagiging mababaw nila kanina, parang nalimutan nila yung profile nila. they acted so poorly na halos squatters ang tingin ko sa kanila kanina. “squatters” in other means. nakakainis lang talaga kasi. hindi naman siguro ganon kadali malimutan ang humanity subject kung saan declared ang mga rights diba?

heh. i'm too smart for this crap that i suppose to appear polite even after that event. =)

>>| **** guys, where are we?

2005-11-14T20:50:00.000-08:00

vid 102
PILOT, part 2

watch Lost and be Lost (again)

=)

air date [channel 23] : November 14, 2005 at 9:10pm

wohooo!!
get Lost.. hahaha..

----
--------
------------
---------------
----------------
-----------------------
------------------------------------------

"i'm not a coward"
- kate

"alright, if you see or hear anything...
anything...
run!"
- jack

"shut up and stop trying to be charming"
- shannon

"i'm not so good around blood"
- hurley

"i know your type" - sawyer
"i'm not so sure" - kate

"i don't care what you believe"
- kate (fb)

"we should keep moving"
- sayid

"i'm alone now...
please someone come,
the others there, they're dead
it killed them,
it killed them all"
- shannon (translation)

>>| is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

2005-11-14T20:22:00.000-08:00

nakakagago talaga yung mga nangyayari as of now =/

ang labo eh
mas oblique pa kasi yun sa mga reflexes ko

for months, magkachat kami
typical "hi", "hello", "busy?" phrase lang

minsan nga lang tumagal ang conversation namin
siguro kapag hindi siya busy,
kapag wala siyang makachat,
o kapag gusto niya manggago.

followed by this fuckining event
walang planned time or place for us to meet up

ang alam lang namin,
pareho kaming existing sa mundong yun

late dawn ko siya nakita (though i'm not that sure na siya nga yun), hindi ako lumapit sa kanya para magpakilala or umepal sa tabi niya

*preferring to stay behind my group while staring this flickering someone*

natapos ang event, umuwi ako with my past lover
in short, ex ko.
shorter, x q.
heh

then after several hours
may nag Online sa Y!M List ko

"siya"

so, i started to freak out
"what if mag-invi na lang kaya ako"
"err.."
"busy kaya siya?"
"oo, bc-bchan yun kaya hindi niya mapapansin na OL ako"
blah blah blah
(as i double-clicked this person's ID and yak with)

...
and that conversation leads to a different line
(so as to giving out our contact numbers)

it's a week of mushy messages and chat convesations
also, a week for me to commit a sinless crime

"rapidly falling in"

a hell of one week that felt like in heavens
but that's just it
just that ONE WEEK

na kahit gusto ko siya at gusto niya ko,
after that week
its ended

our story already had a cover

and why is that?

oh, it's as simple as,
i didn't play the game

iba kasi yung stand niya, hindi siya for serious attachment and whatnots
at ako naman, i'm still attached with someone

big deal sakin yun
kasi lalabas na ang sama ko
at maglolokohan lang rin kami

pero, yung pag deny ko sa game niya
it doesn't mean na pati ang status namin as friends will be affected

heh.

what if i have the same opinion at an instant?
what if pumayag na lang pala ako?

what if.. what if.. what if..

pero that "what-ifs" will not take its place again, right?
fuckining stretch of time!
gago ba
wala naman nun eh

so i'll just freak out once again,

and say...

"i miss you"
"shit ka nga lang and your effective ignoring ways"
"though, i still want you"

*sigh*

..............

ayoko na.

wala na akong mailagay.

yun na yun eh.

>>| worth a hug??

2005-11-13T22:08:00.000-08:00

lights off!

nakakabading palang kayapusan si yael eh.

haha.

>>| relate relate relate

2005-11-11T22:27:00.000-08:00

" You brighten my life like a polystyrene hat But it melts in the sun like a life without love But I've waited for you so I'll keep crying out Without You"

haha.
nice song.

that,
i can even relate through the lyrics.

and uh,
here's another one
[but for a different what-so-ever]

"I want to talk to you But im so scared Before i never cared Infatuation's never there But now it's killing me I really hate myself"

err.

both are skeptical.

>>| fucking mail for a slut

2005-11-08T22:27:00.000-08:00

err.

gumawa ako ng letter para sa bestfriend ko na girl.
pero hindi siya yung slut.
yung nanggugulo sa life niya yung slut,
at para dun yung mail.

>.<

got your mail.
thanks for the concern.

actually, there's nothing to talk about it any longer.
but i know i still have to react on it.

i'll not make this hard,cause you probably know that what i did is just the normal thing a girl could do when she sense something.
mostly, that horrible feeling that knocks over, til it stucks from the head.

and as i got hurt,
i attempted to talked to him..
that might seems like a friggin' fall out or what-so-ever

but it's just a feeling for a scrap of an instance
that as soon as i got calmed,
it will all be compensated

..and that's what happened

however, it's typical.
and thus will make whichever sense..

sorry for that alarming uproar

and uh,
thanks for this mail

getting your idea had pretty much appeased me.

=)

>>| heavenly slice of sweets

2005-11-08T08:44:00.000-08:00

fuckining shit!

ever woke up not to early and you have to eat breakfast before going to class?
that upon stepping down, you'll find those sweet craps you cannot eat because of your goddamned sore throat.

deymn!

i want to eat any piece of that cakes, pies, and brownies.

just a piece.

a piece that may not affect or irritate.
just for me to taste it again.

but sometimes,abstaining from what-so-ever is much needed.
you just have to control even if it's really freaking you out.

and as much as i am pissed off with the idea,
i just did =)

congratulations to me
haha

happy birthday dad *cheers*

>>| **** you all everybody

2005-11-07T20:50:00.000-08:00

vid 101
PILOT, part 1

watch Lost and be Lost (again)

=)

air date [channel 23] : November 7, 2005 at 9:10pm

wohooo!!
get Lost.. hahaha..

----
--------
------------
---------------
----------------
-----------------------
------------------------------------------

"you don't seem afraid at all,
i dont understand that"
-kate

".. so real, and i knew i had to deal with it so i just made a choice
i'd let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing but only for 5 seconds
that's all i'm gonna giving
so i started to count
1
2
3
4
5
... and it was gone"
-jack

"how is something like that happen?"
-charlie

>>| spell it right or don't spell it at all

2005-11-05T21:24:00.000-08:00

nature's effect : raindrops
moody mood : not good. unwell. pissed off.

stop asking how am i or how have i been!
screw that!

hell! you don't even care about me!

*sigh*

what's with me?!

uh, cig... anyone??

well you know what,
i just hate it

I HATE

THIS FEELING..
THIS SELF..
THIS SHIT..

>>| it's better to watch yael's growl than....

2005-11-05T12:25:00.000-08:00

emersaydie: gud m('',)rning ate
likesthejedi: hassle naman eh. ate nanaman
likesthejedi: gaano ba ko katanda sa'yo?
emersaydie: ayaw mo ba
likesthejedi: kung mas matanda talaga ako sayo ok lang.
emersaydie: how old r u naba
likesthejedi: ako ang unang nagtanong so ikaw muna yung sumagot
emersaydie: opo
emersaydie: soweeeee
emersaydie: 21
likesthejedi: ok. ka-age mo pala kuya ko. hah.
likesthejedi: 18 lang ako.
emersaydie: ganun ba
emersaydie: punta ka dec 2
emersaydie: ineng
likesthejedi: yep
emersaydie: sa 1
likesthejedi: bakit? anong event sa 1?
emersaydie: mtv sa taguig
likesthejedi: huh? hindi siguro. sa 2 na lang.
emersaydie: ahhh free daw yun
likesthejedi: oh? mas magulo pag free.
emersaydie: sa bagay tama ka
emersaydie: dami pa bolocks
likesthejedi: bakit pupunta ka ba?
emersaydie: cguro hindi na rin
emersaydie: diba own pc mo yan
emersaydie: may cam
likesthejedi: meron pero hindi ko gagamitin
likesthejedi: i'm fed up with cams. wala namang nangyayari. nakakagago lang gumamit non
emersaydie: ganun
emersaydie: hindi pala ako gagamit nun
emersaydie: baka maging gago ako
emersaydie: heheheheh
emersaydie: ako rin di ako gumagamit khit meron d2
likesthejedi: para sa akin lang kasi, wala namang mangyayari kung magcacam ako. kung maayos ako, they will continue to chat/view with me. pero kung hindi, they will automatically turn it off.
likesthejedi: tama diba? typically, lahat naman tayo gawain yon.
likesthejedi: saka, nag-online tayo ng messenger tools para makipagchat, hindi para mawalan ng gana ang mga kachat.
emersaydie: ako di ako ganun
likesthejedi: pag hindi ko gusto yung mukha ng kachat ko dahil nakita ko sa cam, tatamarin na ako
emersaydie: honga walang thriill
likesthejedi: waste of time yon
emersaydie: uu
emersaydie: ok na maganda naman yung nasa avatar
likesthejedi: sigurado ka namang ako yung nasa avatar?
emersaydie: ewan ko lng
emersaydie: bkit hndi ba
likesthejedi: haha. see?
emersaydie: wait huh
likesthejedi: malay mo, ginagamit ko lang yung pix na yan para may makachat ako
emersaydie: ganun
likesthejedi: look, kung pangit yung nilagay ko jan [same sa paliwanag ko sa cam], hindi ka na matutuwang kachat ako
emersaydie: hindi naman
emersaydie: bkit naman
emersaydie: di naman ako naghahanap ng maganda
likesthejedi: hayy.. ayaw mo pa sabihing tama ako. you keep on pretending dude. ganyan ako, alam kong mas lalong ganyan kayo.
emersaydie: hmmm
emersaydie: hindi naman talaga
likesthejedi: what keeps you this way?
emersaydie: ei
emersaydie: ano nga name mo sa profile sa frendster
likesthejedi: what for?
likesthejedi: para tignan mo kung ano yung face ko dun? kung ako talaga yung nasa avatar?
emersaydie: plzzzz
emersaydie: hindi po
likesthejedi: eh for what?
emersaydie: wala lng
emersaydie: my gagawin lng ako
emersaydie: plzzzzzzz
likesthejedi: so ano ngang gagawin mo?
emersaydie: hmmm
emersaydie: testi
likesthejedi: hindi ka naman naka-add sakin eh
likesthejedi: saka i'm not asking for a testimonial
emersaydie: email mo
emersaydie: ano
emersaydie: oi
emersaydie: ei
emersaydie: hmmmm
emersaydie: nagtampo cguro
emersaydie: tol bye bye na
emersaydie: nxtym ulit
emersaydie has signed out. (11/5/2005 10:56 AM)

>>| (maiiwasan ba) lalong mahulog.. sa iyo

2005-11-04T16:20:00.000-08:00

on the track : sc's una
moody mood : daydreaming

irene,
pakisabi nga

"i miss YOU"

haha.

[parang shout out?]

you can relate with it, i know you will.. =P

>>| a new-found

2005-11-04T13:30:00.000-08:00

do i need to have a "hello world" here?

HELLO WORLD

haha.

oh well,
i just have to move my entries..
other blog-site sucks big time.

>>| Friday's-hit

2005-11-04T11:35:00.000-08:00

on the track : sc's saturn
moody mood : unwell

it's over!! haha. the video shoot of sponge cola's "una" is already done. yey!!!! a video for the year, a video of the year. *claps* thanks master [for the updates] =P

oh, freaky friday.. err. no events for tonight, not any alcoholic drinks or a bit cig. what a chaos?! the semester break is coming to an end.. *screams* but anyways, school doesn't suck for me so i think it's alright.. *stops screaming* hahaha. in fact, i miss that site, and the people associated with it. but everything and everyone is changing. that even if it's not a must, still it does. that's why we need to adopt in every environment we are. and from the past, we should learn. hell, this is life, full of fucking mystery and bitching changes.. *sigh* i just await my friends are still them when school approaches. it's not much to expect from them. i'm really missing those shits.. hahahaha..*effects to the trios [jam, joyce, and nald]*

>>| at Odds

2005-11-03T18:42:00.000-08:00

on the track : pr's scars
moody mood: lament. lament. lament.

"the less you know, the more believable they seem"

familiar huh? yea, it is.

for it was yours,

a part of your work.

and yes,

you are a deep and passionate writer

as i am being a dreamy reader who easily believes in every writings you do

thus,

you and me,

it is so opposing.

we can never "thrive that something"..

we can never be "us"..

we can never be "in-love"..

and how about believing such?
shoot!

want a deal???

>>| cig [ii]

2005-11-03T15:30:00.000-08:00

>>| Looking Lost

2005-11-03T10:13:00.000-08:00

got back at 10:01am with nothing tracking
moody mood for the friggin morn: weird! and i think it's disturbing

err. it seems like i'm certainly getting lost with lots of these dim-wit-made craps. heh. including the fucking efforts, that is oh so required! and speaking of Lost, darn, there's no source to download the recent episode 206 [abandoned]. such cruelty. like having that so called nightmare. hell, i just had it last night. and i was like a youngster who's afraid of the monsters. it's more stupid than frightening, although it alarmed me at dawn.

moving on.. uh, sponge cola's next single will be "una". *claps* yey!!! a new music video!!! whoohooh!! i really like that song as the many does. geez, it'll be a whole working day video shoot for them later on. so yea, that's another thing to think about, be lost, and be keyed up.

*sings some part*

"maiiwasan ba?? ang bawat sandaling ika'y laman ng isip ko.. maiiwasan ba?? ngayo'y lilipas ng hindi kita nasisilayan.. nagkamali sa'yo!! nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na... maiiwasan ba? lalong mahulog sa iyo!!"

>>| go for personality or looks?!

2005-11-02T14:30:00.000-08:00

on the track: mojo's tumatakbo
moody mood: sleepy yet pleased *smugs*

"go for personality or looks?" haha. good shit! that's a question i had read a while ago. attention-grabbing?! perhaps, it is. why would i put it in my fucking blog kung wala lang yon sakin diba? oh well, that's much more to relay. so ano nga ba ang sagot? without doubt, personality! but apparently, ung outside ang una nating napopoint-out as we observe and give some remarks.

and as a typical being, ganon din ako. looks muna bago ang personality. i even had this striking who-ever with me. attractive talaga. and given the time, dun ko pa lang makikilala ang totoong siya.

but so far, i'm graduating from that aspect.
i need to mature.
after all, i learned.
=) heh.

>>| Nonsensical Alternative

2005-10-31T16:44:00.000-08:00

Err. Stiff daylight and alike, motivating me to be bloody unwise.

*screams*

This is not a good shit in any case.

I deleted those goofy craps I made for the public not to see it any longer. For once, reflections made it unkind. And cutting it off isn’t the way out, I know.

Sorry for the false move I made a while ago.

*sigh*

Visibly, it's a bad day.

>>| cig [i]

2005-10-30T14:58:00.000-08:00

Though some parts were still a mess, this grin just can't be moved out. And yea, it through me up to do some effect. Perplexing, yet takes the pleasure in. Where on earth this sensation falls?

4
8
15
16
23
42

What's next?

EXECUTE!

Heh. I just can't let you press the execute button as the heroes/castaways do. For there's another option, and that is to thrive something from nothing. I can waste sometime with you. That even it will take someone away, I'll still be convinced of taking that bloody risk. I'm sure I will. Cause I need your inside to uncover what I am looking for. Take control of me as your works did. Don't mind the others that will react from it.

For sure, after reading this, you might tell me it's "nakakagago". Well, perhaps it is. But I'll still sing that song for you. Cause someday, we will share such. For the greater good huh?! =P *sings it*

>>| not up to scratch

2005-10-26T17:27:00.000-07:00

"i don't smoke.. i just....rock"

*sob*

err..
doubt it?!

*sob*
*sob*
*sob*

same with "why liers lie?!" huh?!

*laughs*

that's just my freakin' stat in my messenger nowadays.
at least, it doesn't suck to much,
though i'm being bloody insane for my thursday morn.
wanna hunch why?

*sob again*

shhh!
listen.

can you hear it?

pathetic!!
try to fix yours before fixing mine

now
do you get it?

can you even relate?

heh.

you want it to be clear right?
for you can't appreciate this insanity goofs
and your mind wasn't capable of

so how will you understand then?

read it backwards, perhaps.

lol.

are we "us" ??

is it existing?

you serious?

still??

darn!

i'm not being as stupid as you may think,
not even numb for the greedy acts you do!

i'm aiming nowhere
i'm being solitary with this crap
nonetheless, with you!

and the questions..
..'til when will i ask those?
..'til when will i say that it'll be all fine
....THAT I'LL BE FINE!

*sigh*

i just can't get over it
albeit I DON'T LOVE YOU!
screw you!

.
.
enough!
.
.
now.. that's clever
such a script of whatever
haha
really crazy!
son of a b*tch!
you read those?
.
.
.
boo!
.
.
.
get lost!
thank god i'm not you!
pbbt!!